Self help made easy

       Self-help books are everywhere, but let’s face it, if we’re being truthful here, they’re a total waste of money, a total waste of time. They take several hundred pages, repetitively explaining their message, which, really, can be easily summarized on one page.

       Self-help books are just a moneymaking genre for publishers, dressed up to look like something that will help us, the behaviorally afflicted, to curb our bad habits. Publishers and self-help authors know that if their oh so insightful solutions are padded in page upon page of repetitive hash that is long enough to be bound into a book with a pretty cover, and given an eye-catching title, such as Your Clutter Free Life; voila, book sales!

       Publishers’ data tells them people with nagging negative behavioral hang-ups are going to buy these books. Publishers don’t care if these self-help books work or not. They just want the look and feel of the book to convince people with hang-ups that they'll rid themselves of the nasty behavior -- if they buy the book. 

       But let's be honest here. We who buy self-help books aren’t as interested in solving our problem as we are in looking like we are working on solving our problem. We figure if we buy a book aimed at stopping our binge drinking, or out of control gambling, or constant use of overly blue language, and leave it on a table where it is easily seen by friends and family, they will think, “Hey, Bob’s actually doing something about his problem. Good for Bob!” 

       Problem is, after we the afflicted buy the self-help book, we  read a chapter or maybe two. But then we put it down and forget about it as soon as we realize solving our problem won’t be easy. We figure we have a very complicated, seemingly impossible problem to solve. We're not so keen on the fact that it will take fortitude and discipline to beat this thing. That we will actually have to quit an addiction, and/or comfortable habit that maybe we don't think is so bad to have after all. We sense that signing up for a routine of rigorous discipline that will kill our bad habit, for the most part, is something we can’t be bothered with. It's just too much. We know deep down we’re not that interested in improving ourselves. We think not having a bad habit or two would be great and all, but having them isn't the end of the world, either. After all, we are who we are, and if others don’t like us, flaws and all, that’s their problem! 
     And so our behavioral hang up, whatever it is – always being late, living in ever encroaching clutter, getting into ever more debt, etc., continues on. And our self-help book gets abandoned and takes on its new role of collecting dust. Until the time comes to donate it along with our old unwanted and unread books to whoever will take them. Absent any takers, we dump the clutter-causing books into the recycling bin as part of an inspired spring cleaning.

       So if we buy into the notion that self-help books are a waste of money, where do we go for behavioral help? Well, first we promise to never buy a self-help book promising to free us from our bad habits! We know they just don’t work.

       So, should we seek counseling to cure ourselves of our nagging problems? 
       Nah, who has the time for that? Yakkety yak yak yak. That doesn’t work either.

       Still, we want a quick fix to our nagging little behavioral issues. So in the spirit of supplying what the self-help market wants, what follows are cheaper and quicker fixes than those self-help books described above as nothing but deceptive sales pitches aimed at separating you from your money.

       You know, comforting little self-help titles like: Conquering  Clownphobia, or No More Spontaneous Dancing: Your Path to Freedom, or the wildly popular, Clutter Rules No More.

       OK, let’s just cut to the chase, amigos. 

       So, your house is cluttered? You don't like it? Here’s what you do: Rent a truck with a large enclosed bed. Then go through your house and throw into the truck bed all the items that are cluttering up your house. Drive the truck to a goodwill store. Unload the truck. Drive the truck back to the rental store. Go home. No more clutter. End of clutter problem.

       Next?

       So you’re fat or edging ever closer to morbid obesity? Don't want to be that way?  Well then, here's what you do: Eat healthy food in small portions, and exercise every day.

       Next?

       Always late? Don't like always being late? Here’s what you do: Get a watch that keeps accurate time. Now, keep looking at it so you always know about what time it is. If you have an appointment, figure out how much time it will take you to get there. Maybe add a few minutes to take into account any unexpected delays. Then, subtract that time from your appointment time. So if your appointment is at 4 and it takes you a half hour to get there, make sure and leave at 3:30. You must keep watching your watch so you leave on time. If you can’t keep an eye on the time and leave for appointments on time, you will always be late, nothing can be done for you. But if you can, you’ll be on time almost every time.
     Next?

     Can’t get organized? Figure out the tasks you need to accomplish. Then figure out what you need to do to finish each task. Prioritize the tasks with the most important one at the top of the list. Then, one at a time, do the tasks. Don’t put them off. Do them.

     Next?

     Procrastination a problem? This is just a matter of doing tasks now, and not putting them off. As stated above, don’t put them off, do them. If you put them off, you’re shying away from the problem, and there’s nobody that can change that but you. Deal with it.

     Problem with debt? Getting out of debt is something everybody has to do at some point. All it amounts to is paying off what you owe in monthly increments, until you don’t owe any more money. This isn’t easy, but this is all you have to do. Now, once you’re out of debt and you don’t want to get in any more out of control debt, there are a couple things you can do. If you can’t control the use of your credit cards because you’re a compulsive spender of money you don’t have, you simply shouldn’t use credit cards. Cut ‘em up and only buy stuff with cash. Otherwise you’re headed for bankruptcy.

       But if you do have some self-discipline, staying out of debt is simple. Don’t use your credit card unless you have the money to cover the purchase. And when you get the bill, pay it off immediately. That way, no interest accrues. Simple. The idea here is to only buy what you have the money to pay for. If you can’t pay off the bill when it comes, you’re in over your head because of your own lack of discipline.

       Next?

       If you happen to be an alcoholic, drug addict, compulsive gambler or any other kind of addict, here’s the scoop: Don’t drink alcohol, take drugs or gamble, or do the addictive behavior you have.

       Next?

       Now it’s true, the above-suggested solutions to behavioral problems may seem oversimplified. Not so. They all point to the fact that it’s up to us to face our bad habits, stop them, and replace them with good habits. So, don’t cause clutter, be neat. Don’t gamble with money, make gentleman bets. Don’t get into debt, just quit spending money you don’t have.

       It’s all easy on paper. However, this stuff really is tough to do. 

       Yes, curing ourselves of bad habits requires some serious inner work. That in itself is unsettling. We're forced to ask ourselves: Do I really want to improve myself this badly? I mean, the things it requires seem kind of Spartan, you know? What ever happened to enjoying life? 
      So we come to the same conclusion we would if we had paid for and not completely read a self-help book: Me, do the hellishly hard work needed to stop a bad habit? Nah!


Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: 
http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf