tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14907980111823596962024-02-20T03:58:32.287-08:00marksmuzingsMark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-64741303076653204142013-12-17T08:46:00.000-08:002013-12-17T08:51:50.373-08:00The better Christmas letter<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-line-height-alt: 19.0pt; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 29px;"><b><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 29px;"><b><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to Family and
Friends!</span></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Where to start! Well, Jimmy graduated from high school
this past spring, and we celebrated by giving him a brand new Porsche Carrera!
Jimmy loves the car and is currently looking into future job options in
agribusiness. And Janie is doing super great in the middle of her sophomore
year in high school. She made the junior varsity cheerleading squad, and is
thinking about taking the high school equivalency test in order to have a
shorter wait to start her chosen career, which we think will be something in
the entertainment industry (Fingers crossed!)</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Dave is still at his dream job of small claims court
administrator at the county, and has actively pursued his long time hobbies of
designing and collecting things. He really has high hopes of getting his own
HGTV show combining his varied interests.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">We took a summer vacation visiting relatives in Iowa,
where Jimmy and Janie got to know more of their cousins, and for the first time,
Dave’s big brother, Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was nice enough to take us to a
wonderful county fair where he won the hog-calling contest and bought us all
the corndogs we could eat! What a day!</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">We also managed to paint the house avocado green this
summer with electric yellow trim! The new colors really spiffed up the look of
the place and neighbors are now talking about how they should paint their
houses different colors!</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">We held a yard sale this summer to get rid of some of
the stuff we never use and managed to get $1,050 in sales! We’re thinking about
using the money to buy Janie some braces, so she’ll have an even more perfect
smile, Lord willing!</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">I’ve been keeping busy at my DMV photographer’s job,
which I find very fulfilling. I meet different people every day and always have
fun clicking that shutter! I still play Bunco with the girls every month where
we have a potluck. I don’t even care about the game, it’s just a chance to gab
with the gals and eat good home cooked food.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Next year, Dave and I are planning to go on a Carnival
Cruise to Mazatlan (Mexico)! We’re so excited already because we’ve heard you
get to eat as much as you want whenever you want and there’s even karaoke,
which (don’t tell him I told you this) Dave absolutely loves. He does a great rendition
of “Over the Rainbow” by Judy Garland.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Well, that about wraps up this year. Hope you and
yours have a Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year!</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The McFongs, Dave, Molly, Jimmy and Janie</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Sound familiar?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Right before the holidays, many of us write a
Christmas letter to all our friends and family, to share just how great
everything is in our life.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">But we Christmas letter writers, in sending out this
letter, sometimes on colored paper and including family photos, should pause
for a moment and ask ourselves a few important questions.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">First, do all our friends and family buy our
airbrushed version of our family events for the past year?</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">And second, does a positive spin on our Christmas
letter make readers groan and roll their eyes?</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Well, surveys show, No, and Yes!</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">The Better Christmas Letter Society wants to reverse
what has become an annoying, obnoxious and all too common practice: The
all-positive, self-complimentary Christmas letter sent each holiday season to
friends and family. While the senders are sure their letters are appreciated as
entertaining updates of family doings, the fact is, they’re all too often wrong
about this. In reality, these letters do anything but make readers feel happy
admiration. They more often make readers mutter quips such as, “What
horseshit!” “Who cares?” and “This is sooo lame, can you believe this crap?!”</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">As a public service the Better Christmas Letter
Society has a few tips for Christmas letter writers. All to help their efforts
be appreciated instead of cruelly mocked, torn up and thrown disdainfully into
the wastebasket.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">First, don’t just include all the good things that
happened in the past year. Sure, put in that you won your bowling league, or
Dad had a great birthday weekend in Vegas. But don’t be afraid to put in a few
rough goes you went through as well! People love to read that stuff. Just look
at the tabloids. It’s humanizing!</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">On the other hand, readers are guaranteed to glaze
over when there’s too much happy talk. Why? It sounds phony, made up. And it
makes the reader wonder. Especially when they <i>know for a fact</i> that
plenty of not so hot things happened to you and yours, and there’s no mention
of it in the Christmas letter. Just as if it never happened. Now surveys show,
that annoys readers. They think you’re trying to pull the wool over their eyes.
They think you’re an idiot to even think you can fool them. So the letter will
be seen for what it is: Puffery, self-serving drivel.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">So go ahead. Bring in the truth, even if it’s hard to
admit. Share a little dirty laundry. Just as long as you stay upbeat, maybe
throw in a joke or two, and don’t sound like a drunk crying in his or her beer
or appletini.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">But don’t take our word for it. See for yourself. The
following version has a few revealing, reality-based, not so positive
admissions to the typical happy-talk Christmas letter you read above. See if
you wouldn’t pass this new version around for everyone to read! That’s what you
want, isn’t it?</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to Family and
Friends!</span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Good news this year! Jimmie graduated from high school
(at long last) and to reward his bad behavior (just joking) we got him a brand
new Porsche Carrera! Can you believe we did that? Well Jimmie was so happy
about it, he got drunk and flipped it into a parked car, totaling the Porsche
and the parked car. Luckily he had his seatbelt on and wasn’t hurt. He says he
doesn’t remember anything about it! Go figure. He still lives at home and deals
pot, but we think he has potential to be a real player in business. He gets away
with everything!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Janie made the junior varsity cheerleading squad, but
gosh darn it, we found out the nose guard on the varsity football team got her
pregnant at some party. She’s going to have the baby and try to graduate high
school early and take care of the baby out of her bedroom. Well, who am I to
talk, I had Jimmie when I was 16, so this is what I get! Janie’s looking into
career options, but I think once she has the kid her best bet is stripping.
She’s got the booty to pull in the bucks, just like I used to!</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Dave loves his job at small claims court, and still
manages to find time for his beloved hobbies in women’s shoe design,
interpretive dance and teddy bear collecting. He’s convinced there’s an HGTV
show he could host in there somewhere!</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">We all drove to Iowa to visit Dave’s relatives last
summer (two teens in the car, imagine that!). Jimmy and Janie got to meet more
of their cousins (No kissing, I hope!) and for the first time we met Dave’s big
brother, Uncle Bob.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Uncle Bob took us to a wonderful county fair where he
took first in the hog-calling contest! He was so proud, he bought corn dogs and
beer for everyone! Everybody ate and drank so much, we could barely get in and
out of Uncle Bob’s Hummer. The next day, we were all hung over, and ate stacks
and stacks of Uncle Bob’s blueberry pancakes all smothered in butter and maple
syrup. Ooh, I’m famished just thinking about it!</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">We also painted the house avocado green this summer,
with electric yellow trim. It really looks different now, we love it. But some
neighbors are collecting signatures to outlaw our new colors for houses in the
neighborhood. Can you imagine? Some people have too much time on their hands! I
think they’re just jealous!</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">We did a “junk” sale this summer and cleared over a
thousand bucks! Maybe that’ll help pay for braces for Janie. Gotta have a
perfect white tooth smile for the cameras! </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">I’m still clicking license photos at the DMV. You know
what? Very few people are photogenic! Anyway, I also have my monthly potluck
and Bunco night with the girls. Boy, do we chatter AND eat! Never any
casseroles left at the end of the night, especially when I make my Frito pie!</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">I got Dave to agree to a Carnival Karaoke Cruise next
year to Mazatlan (Mexico)! He’s so excited, he’s planning to do his signature
ballad, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” as Judy Garland. Can you believe he’ll be
in full wig, makeup and sequined dress? What a scream! And the best part is,
you get to eat all you want whenever you want. They aren’t going to make any
money on me!</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Well Whew! That about wraps up this year! Hope you and
yours have a Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year!</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The McFongs. Dave, Molly, Jimmy and Janie</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">This is an essay included in Mark Eric Larson's book of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," at </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15pt;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/doc/85287740/The-NERVE-of-Some-People-s-Kids">http://www.scribd.com/doc/85287740/The-NERVE-of-Some-People-s-Kids</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 22.0pt; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-42897460716865206072013-12-06T16:44:00.000-08:002013-12-09T09:01:01.115-08:00A brother gone too early<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:16.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">When I saw his obituary from the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Riverside Press-Enterprise</i> dated two and a half years ago, it took
the wind right out of me. I was trying to track down a friend and former
colleague to send him a video about my 60 Chevy I just finished, since he’d
always been fond of the car.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">George Rooney. He’d died at age 59 of ALS, Lou Gehrig’s
disease, in May 2011. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">WHAT!!??</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Oh man…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">George was one of the nicest people I’ve ever worked with,
or met for that matter. I’d lost contact with him for around 20 years. But he
was a guy that had been there for me through some of the toughest formative
years of my journalism career. Kind of an older, more experienced brother – four
years older – who helped calm me down when I’d been ready to hit the panic button.
Which in those times of feverish paranoia, and rampant fear and loathing, was
fairly often. I often sought George’s advice through exasperated phone calls. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I was a young newspaper reporter looking for a full time
job, my first one. I found one at the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Palm
Springs Desert Sun</i> because of a short typed note George had sent to a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Los Angeles Times</i> reporter I worked with
in the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Times’</i> then-San Diego bureau.
There, I was a lowly copy aide. The editor there told me straight up that the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Times</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i> hired copy aides as reporters, so I shouldn’t entertain any
fantasies that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> would happen. He
didn’t tell me, however, that such things <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">did</i>
happen when they were related to somebody with clout on the staff. I saw more
than a few cases of no-qualifications- necessary nepotism in my year there. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">But I really didn’t care, the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Times</i> culture was so full of itself and bloated with bored but talented writers out of favor with newsroom honchos. I was ready to bail from what was
known as the “velvet coffin” after being there a year. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">In his note, George told the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Times</i>
reporter, David Smollar, whom he’d known from a few years earlier covering
county government for a small San Diego paper, that he got the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sun’s</i> city hall beat to “punch up”
coverage. And, by the way, there was an opening for a police reporter there in Palm Springs, if
he knew anybody that might want to apply. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">George was mentioned more than once by reporters in the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Times</i> San Diego newsroom as a guy who always helped
them by sharing info – which I'm thinking they were too lazy to get on their own -- when
they needed it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Smollar showed me the note, and I added the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Desert Sun</i> to the list of newspapers I was applying
to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The Sun was the first paper that offered me the full time
reporting job I wanted, so I just took it. But it turned out to be, to this
day, the gnarliest job I ever had, three years of slave labor, boiler room
style. It was big time dues paying, and I struggled with hanging in there.
George, the leader of the staff of six or so reporters, always helped me cope.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Covering the cops was no fun at all. The cops hated whomever
covered them, feeling all reporters did was, at worst, make them look bad, or
at best, waste their time. I was considered no exception. Their strategy: Do
the minimum in cooperating with reporters.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Then there was our editor, a hopeless drunk, often showing up
with greasy tangled hair, and wearing clothes that resembled pajamas. He
finally got the boot only to be replaced by a guy who couldn’t edit, write, or
spell, for that matter. The editor that replaced him actually knew what he was
doing. But by then I was actively looking to jump out of the plane without a
parachute. George eventually switched to covering courts and moved to the Palm
Desert office. After four years of hard labor, he was hired by the much better
paying <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Riverside</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Press-Enterprise.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">George was a positive guy to work around. He didn’t get
caught up in bitching like everybody else. He’d joke about the bubbling crap-fest we were swimming in,
and giggle. It was his way of blowing off steam. But he was always a total pro,
and I looked up to his breezy easygoing way of doing things. On the few times
when he had a little time to kill he’d go to the microfiche viewing machine off in a corner of the newsroom and
pull up ancient <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Desert Sun</i> stories
and photos for some light entertainment. One time he was giggling continuously
at stuff he was pulling up, a parade of awful, hysterical stuff. Soon we were
all gathered around roaring over his shoulder at the crudely purveyed news and photos of
yore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">When he wasn’t in the main newsroom anymore, I missed him.
So I’d call him at the Palm Desert office down valley and vent how shitty
everything was at the main office. I did my job well enough. But wow, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hated</i> it! I had no coping skills with
adversity, and I was neck deep in it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He never told me to shut up and deal with it, but I called
him enough times that he had a right to. One call I remember I was about to
lose it, telling George the list of stupid crazy crap I was wading through and
that I couldn’t believe it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“Just don’t think about it,” he told me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">That sounded good, so I tried it. Couldn’t do it. But still,
he felt my pain, and tried to help.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He coped by joking, laughing. He was a good joke teller,
often starting one with a very sincere face as if he were telling you a true story, as he got you to believe it. Then he’d hit the punch line. He coulda been
an actor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He’d do full sections of dialog from Monty Python movies,
laughing as he did it with a British accent. And like me, he loved reciting the many barbs, wordplay and literary references of Firesign Theatre.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">George was from Wisconsin, a real Midwesterner, tall and
rangy, dark brown eyes and hair and, in those days, bangs and a scraggly beard.
His dad was Irish, his mom Italian, but he looked all Italian. Married to his University
of Wisconsin-Madison sweetheart, Sally, he was steadfastly loyal. He loved Badgers
football and basketball, followed the Milwaukee Braves, then Brewers, had
affection for the Chicago “Cubbies,” and of course, was a Green Bay Packers
fan. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He never wore sunglasses for some reason, even in the
glaring desert sunshine, telling me he couldn’t see as well with them. I think the
real reason was he thought they were too flashy. He always had a handkerchief
in his back pocket, which my father, also a Midwesterner, also did. The
handkerchief, no sunglasses and several other things showed that George was
definitely a no frills guy, Old School to the bone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He believed in union labor and tried to help organize
unionization of the poorly paid, overworked staff at the Sun. It didn’t happen,
and he knew which management spy was taking notes at the organizing meetings.
He made it clear who she was and that he was no fan of hers. He once pounded
his desk with his fist, smiling and yelled, “Let’s shut ‘em down!” followed by
a high-pitched laugh.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He was pretty irked when he found out the custodian who regularly cleaned the tiny Palm Desert bureau, an older guy, was let go. “He needs the work,”
scoffed George. He knew even menial jobs were important to somebody. “It keeps you young,” he
said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He’d mock the publisher, a tall old white-haired overly tan,
bulbous-nosed guy who wore white shoes, white belt and loose fitting casual golf clothes. The
guy was rarely in the office, and part of the local good old boys hardy-har-har
business establishment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“He wouldn’t know a news story if it bit him on the nose,”
George would say, laughing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">George brushed off pretension or phoniness. A guy on the
staff played guitar and sang a horrible folk song at a party, and George hated
it so much, he walked out. He thought the guy was a deluded buffoon to act like
he could play and sing well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I play guitar and after hearing him pooh-pooh the bad
amateur, made sure I never brought out my guitar when he was around. (A few
years later, when his son Tim was playing in a band, George told me he snuck in
unnoticed to check it out. “They were pretty good!” he said, very proud.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">George was a good dad, better than most.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">His father once chided him for changing his daughter’s
diaper, he told me. His dad was really old school, and didn’t think that was
among a father’s duties. But George shrugged him off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He and Sally took parenting seriously. But he once joked
having kids reminds you of your own “creeping fartism.” How could it not?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He'd curse sportswriters who took five paragraphs to get to the game score. He
believed people, himself included, wanted to read the score up top, not as casual,
buried information due to a lame attempt at a literary intro.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Color photographs were beginning to appear in newspapers
back then to add appeal to readers. But George didn’t think they added anything. To him, the old school
gray and white newspapers did the job just fine delivering news stories.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">George drove a Mercury, or “the Merc” as he called it, and
had an abiding faith in unpretentious American made cars. I think he’d owned
more than one Merc in his time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He loved the outdoors, hiked and fished. I remember going on
hikes with him, Sally and seeing their then infant daughter Kristin’s little
socked feet dangling from her seat on George’s backpack-style kid carrier. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One weekend, he and I drove in my 60 Chevy to hike and camp
in the Golden Trout Wilderness area of the Southern Sierra Nevadas. I noticed
George put a hatchet near his sleeping bag before nodding off. I figured he
learned that in the Boy Scouts as something to ward off bears or other
predators. I’d done my share of camping at that point, and it never occurred to
me to have a hatchet at the ready. Kinda freaked me out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">After those years of working together, we kept in touch
during occasional summers. Every time we met, without fail, George asked:
“Still driving the Chevy?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He lit up when I’d tell him I was. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">That’s why when I recently finished the video on the Chevy,
I knew he’d like it, even though it did have me singing and playing guitar on
it. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He loved the Chevy. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So George, if you happen to be looking down on this, here’s
a Chevy update. She’s still alive and well. Miss you, brother.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/SW-5eyCUGho" width="560"></iframe>
</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Mark Eric Larson has written two
books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't
Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf"><span style="color: #882600; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</span></a><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">His blog of personal essays is at:</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"> <a href="http://marksmuzings.blogspot.com/"><span style="color: #00309e; text-decoration: none;">http://marksmuzings.blogspot.com/</span></a></span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-51655044153618980702013-01-28T21:15:00.000-08:002013-01-28T21:15:14.983-08:00Frustration? No. Art? Oh Yeah!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">I
recently went to see a local concert by singer/songwriter/guitarist Shawn
Colvin. It was a great show. But it didn’t come easy. It had to be earned! By
everybody there. Including Shawn Colvin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Thinking
back, I realized how much frustration, and the opposite reactions to it, played
a part in the concert. The doors were supposed to open at 6:30 and the Sunday
night show was supposed to start at 7:30. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">We
got there to see a huge line formed from the door of the city college auditorium,
at about 7:20. We had reserved seats, so figured we’d arrive right before the
show started. Well, the line was long, and the doors weren’t open. And yes, it
was very chilly outside. The nearly full moon, shrouded by a gray veil of thin
clouds in the eastern sky, backlit campus trees in the distance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">We
picked up our tickets at will call, and there were some people already loudly
and indignantly demanding refunds from the will call guy. Maybe they’d already
stood out in the cold for an hour and had had it. We decided to wander to the
back of the very long line. Once there, we learned through the rumor mill that
there was a problem with the sound system, and “the artist” refused to let
anybody in the building until the problem was solved. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">“Probably
a contract thing,” said a chatty guy in front of us. Another woman told of
people upset enough with the situation to loudly demand refunds, so they could
leave. The line moved ahead incrementally as some of those people left. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">So
frustration was palpable in the frigid air. It was cold, the show was already
supposed to have started. And there was no indication if or when the doors
would open. More grapevine info filtered through from chatty guy ahead of us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">“Apparently
the sound man who works here is sick, and they’re trying to find somebody to
replace him,” he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Then,
at around about 8 p.m., the doors suddenly opened and the cold concert-goers,
gladly moved into the heated theater. An opening act played folk guitar and
played nicely enough, while making sure to thank the crowd for hanging in. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">“I’ve
had a blast opening for Shawn Colvin,” she said, “And tonight, I gained even
more respect for her. She just wants to put on a good show for you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">When
Shawn Colvin came out, the 57-year-old petite redhead, who’s put out some
beautiful folk music in her career that spans from the 80s, looked like she was
doing everything she could to keep a lid on her crankiness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">She
thanked the crowd, but declined to give details of the delay, saying only, “We
came here prepared…” i.e., somebody else wasn’t. The crowd got it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">She
plays a plugged in acoustic guitar with artistic surety. She’s a pro that needs
conditions just so in order to perform to her own high standards. When she had
problems getting her guitar in tune between songs, she looked like it was all
she could do to hold it together. Her face said, “I don’t need this right now.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">“I
swear too much,” she declared to the audience, as if talking herself out of firing
off a few curse words over the difficulties of the evening. “I wish I could
blame it on the altitude,” she added as she tuned, giving the crowd a chance
for a little laugh. The Sacramento concert site sits not much above sea level.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">She
tried to turn the angle of a small tuner clamped onto the top of her guitar near
the tuning pegs, and it came off in her hand. Veering away from more
frustration, she explained that attached, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it wouldn’t turn far enough so she could read
it. She told of her show the night before in Napa when she was tuning a string
with difficulty, checking the tuner, when a guy in the front row said, “You’re
sharp.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">“I
threw the (Ipod mini-sized) unit at him,” she said, getting a laugh. “And I’m
sorry I did, because I lost a $50 tuner.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">I.e.,
she wasn’t sorry in the least about throwing something at the guy she thought
was out of line.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Once
she did massage the strings into tune, she played. Her rhythm and deep bass
notes lent rich contrast to the high notes her smooth moving left hand made. Which
is just another way of saying Shawn Colvin is a pretty good guitar player! All
this was topped by her personal songs, sung in her high, clear, emotive voice.
Put together it was quite simply, artistry to behold.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">She’d
managed to melt away the earlier frustrations. She didn’t care if the crowd had
to wait out in the cold until the sound system was up to snuff. It was her
reputation on the line as a performer, her name on the tickets. And when her
guitar was out of tune and making it difficult to get in tune, she joked about
it to ease the tension. But underneath all her actions was her steely resolve
to play and sing her songs as well as she knew how. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">And
that night, even though it hardly came easily, she did. And the audience was
rewarded with the soulful power of her art, which no one can deny, is really
something special. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">And
while frustration had visited the audience and Shawn Colvin early in the
evening, in the end, everybody’s patience showed it to the door. And at the
end, to a standing ovation, Shawn Colvin thanked the crowd for hanging in there
for the late to start show. She came back on stage to play three encore tunes. She
thanked the happy crowd again, to another standing O. Nobody was thinking about
the cold wait in the line, just then. It was nothing but warm and fuzzy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">And
as for those who stomped off after insisting they get their tickets refunded
because of the delay in the cold? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Well,
their loss for having a hissy fit over the delay. They just plain missed a
great show.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/DUVlmTvJP4A" width="560"></iframe>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Amen.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></span>Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-42068371049366950032012-10-28T16:57:00.000-07:002013-04-30T22:43:24.148-07:00Lake of the sky<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1490798011182359696" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1490798011182359696" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Lake
Tahoe is the drop dead beautiful centerpiece of my youth, and after a few years
away from it, I rode along a stretch of highway along its north shore on a
recent bike ride.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">In
the mornings of warm summer days, the deep blue majesty of this lake is like a
high altitude mountain pool of consciousness, something vast, calm and
spiritual to behold. It is in these early summer mornings when its surface is
as smooth as a mirror, all is calm, before afternoon winds whipping off the
mountains looking down from the west, rough it up. Within its perimeter of 72
miles, and its millions of acre-feet of melted snow, the lake is a quiet giant
of nature in the morning hours. It is a sight that requires more than a few
minutes to fully comprehend as one standing at its edge, scans its wide, blue,
quiet surface.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">I
lived at Lake Tahoe from 1959 to 1971, from young kid to mid-teens, then spent
weekends during many summers at our house there in subsequent years. Through
those years, it became a touchstone, a powerful reference point of my growing
up years and all the drama they contained. We had a great hardback history book
on Tahoe, called “The Saga of Lake Tahoe,” by Edward Scott, which came out in
the late 50s and covered with text and many old black and white photographs,
the human footprints made at Tahoe -- especially those of profit-minded white
men -- since the mid 1800s.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">The
Washoe Indians were the first recorded humans to bask in the glorious Tahoe
summers. For centuries they escaped the summer heat of the Washoe Valley, which
sits below the mountains on the east side of the lake. Explorer John Fremont was
the first white guy to see the lake in 1844 and it no doubt blew his mind. I
always wanted to see the face of the first human, probably a Washoe Indian,
that laid eyes on the lake hundreds of years before that. What a discovery that
must have been. A huge mountain lake, edged by hugely tall forests of fir, pine
and cedar, all untouched by man. What would he or she have said? I like to
think it was Washoe language version of “Holy <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">fuuuuck</i>!!!!” or if a Washoe squaw, “Isn’t this lovely!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">The
Washoe Indians lived in harmony with the lake, hanging out there during its pleasantly
warm weather summers, hunting and fishing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">But
when the white men came barging in with their big plans, the shameless plundering
of the lake basin’s forests and its trout filled clear blue waters of
unspeakable beauty, began. They drove out the Indians, and because the silver
mines in Virginia City, in the Nevada desert to the northeast, required lumber to
frame and support the mineshafts from 1858 to 1890, much of the forests in the
basin were clear-cut by rag tag crews of loggers using long two-handled saws. Teams
of horses dragged the felled trees to nearby sawmills. These lumber men
butchered the native forests mercilessly, leaving acres of stumps and triggering
soil erosion that began the slow but measurable decline of the lake’s legendary
clarity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">But
amazingly, in about 60 years, the basin’s ecosystem managed to heal itself from
the clear cutting gashes it suffered. Second growth forests grew back in many
of the logged out areas, though the trees aren’t as tall and wide as those in
the original growth forests. The scruffy early settlers in the 1800s also
managed to fish out all the native trout in the lake, setting up fish canneries
that eventually shuttered when there were no more fish left. Gee, we never
thought we’d all but wipe out the trout population. Brilliant.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">To
keep fishing alive trout plants were eventually dumped in the lake as well as plants
that were non native species: Mackinaw trout and kokanee freshwater salmon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Mackinaws
were brought in from the Great Lakes in 1886, and being a large deep water trout
happy to eat smaller fish in the lake, these big boys promptly ate all the
remaining native Lahontan cutthroats. Another brilliant move. Mackinaws are
still the big fish to catch by Tahoe anglers on their own in boats or with the
help of guides. Kokanees were in a Tahoe City fish hatchery in 1944 when
holding ponds accidentally overflowed, spilling the freshwater salmon from the
Pacific Northwest into Tahoe, where they’ve been spawning primarily in Taylor
Creek on the south shore ever since.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Gambling
casinos were built on the Nevada side of the state lines in north and south
Tahoe in the 1940s. To this day they attract gamblers to the area with little
or no interest in the stunning natural beauty of the area. Dreaming of making
the big score, they’d rather spend all their Tahoe time in the smoke filled
casinos, sloshing booze, squinting at sleazy lounge shows and losing money on
the craps tables, playing 21, keno, or pulling down no yield slot machine
handles through the night, only to drive home somewhere below Tahoe, broke,
with murderous hangovers. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">But if I'm coming clean, I owe my years growing up in Tahoe to the casinos. Because one of them, Harrah's Club, on the south shore, in 1959 hired my dad to play upright bass -- he was a professional bass player in Los Angeles -- in their South Shore Room house orchestra. He was no fan of LA and loved the mountains and the lake. He decided that's where we were going to live, and moved my mom, two older sisters and me, up there. Our first stop was in a double-wide mobile home in Oliver's trailer park. It had no frills dirt roads and a loose grid of trailer spaces among sparse pines. Denizens were mostly club worker neighbors, many of whom worked all night and slept all day. "Tortilla Flat" was my mom's name for it. Good call.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Broken
down abandoned cars owned by skunked gamblers were common in Tahoe in the 1960s,
their humiliated owners figuring it was easier to go home by bus than deal with
a broken down car. These days, Tahoe casinos have been hit hard by a double smack down in
their popularity by all the Indian casinos that have seriously eroded their
market share, along with a longstanding economic recession. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">But through redevelopment, the
look of South Lake Tahoe has been cleaned up immensely from the “Tijuana of the
Sierras” look it had in the 60s when the California side of the south shore was rife with crummy hotels and ramshackle apartments in
the club worker pine forest ghettos. Adding to the tackiness was beat up pavement on the main drag of Highway 50 sporting no shortage of trinket and
t-shirt shops. Now there are bike paths, modern
upgraded shopping areas, a tramway up the mountain to Heavenly Valley and there's a look and feel somewhat more befitting a small alpine city sitting in a world-class
destination.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Over
the years, development by rich landowners included mansions in choice secluded shoreline
spots around the lake. But most of the housing early on in the mainstream discovery
of the lake was lodges and cabins used during the spectacular Tahoe summers of
crisp air and moderate heat. Winters would shoo away vacationers, but the
development of ski resorts like Heavenly Valley on the south shore, along with
the gaming industry, rounded out a seasonal tourist economy. Heavenly’s
contribution to the erosion problem came with cutting down trees growing on the
Southeast shore mountain face to make ski runs. Left was the unmistakable dirt scar visible
from across the lake called the Gun Barrel. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">As highways were improved and
widened to four lanes along the east shore, housing developments started
getting built in the 1960s. The 1960 Winter Olympics held at Squaw Valley made
the Tahoe area a world stage, even through Squaw is just outside of the Tahoe
basin on its northwest side.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">The
conservation movement of the lake’s environment began in earnest in the 1960s,
with studies beginning to see how deep a white plate could be seen in the water
when dropped on a metered pole from a boat. Erosion from development ---
causing oxygen-eating, water warming nutrients to flow into the lake from its
feeder streams, and algae growth – was identified as the biggest factor in the
lake’s steadily declining clarity. Oops. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">So
development moratoriums were put in place and construction permits limited to a
lottery and waiting lists to slow down the erosion effects of development. My
parents built a house on the Nevada side of the south shore in 1963 before any
development moratoriums were in place. So our family was part of the problem in
erosion promoting development. Ironically my mom was the executive secretary
for the Lake Tahoe Area Council, a now defunct nonprofit that worked to combat erosion-causing development in the basin. Since then, the
federal government has stepped in to fund more studies of the lake, including
an underwater topographical map of the lake’s bottom, and maps showing its
various depths and temperatures in different parts of the lake. Now, tourists can
look at an outdoor display in shoreline public spots such as Kings Beach on
the north end, recounting the ongoing battle to keep Tahoe’s deep blue
waters from become green, murky and choked with algae.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">After
that north shore bike ride a few months earlier, I got on my road bike and rode the 72 mile perimeter of Lake Tahoe with a riding buddy. I’ve been on that route many times in a car, but always wanted to see what it would be like on a bike. Early
in the ride, which we started at Stateline on the Nevada side of the south
shore, we got to the unpopulated woods of the southwest shore that flank the
winding two lane Highway 89. There, I was happy to learn the obvious:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On a bike you can look up to see a stunning
view the mountains that a car with a roof doesn’t afford. Looking up we saw the
vertical face of Mount Tallac. Tallac is about 9,000 feet high, up about 3,000
feet from the lake level, and is an incredible day hike I’ve done many times
over the years. The view from the top of Tallac is like being in an airplane,
showing nearly the entire surface of the lake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As we continued riding switchbacks approaching Emerald Bay there were
the sweeping views looking northeast over the lake. These are jaw dropping
world class vistas of vast blue water, blue sky and green forest. Continuing
north on the west shore, we rode by Meeks Bay Resort, where as a young teen I
worked for three straight summers on the maintenance crew. Now it is less
cluttered and still offers a great shoreside view of the mountains on southwest shore of the
lake. We rode north several more miles through Tahoe City, where I’d spent a
college summer working as a reporter at the Tahoe World weekly newspaper, which
is now long gone. We headed east at the north side of the lake and rode
through Incline Village’s Shoreline Drive, where many rich people have built mansions. Starting to head south on the east side of the lake we climbed the winding two lane road to Spooner
Summit. Then a descent past Glenbrook and I saw the wide spot in the road where my dad and
I used to hike down to an isolated deep water fishing spot on a huge
granite boulder. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">We
rode through the granite tunnel at Cave Rock and by its much improved parking
lot and boat landing where I fished from the rocks with my Dad and boyhood friends. The old Manny’s, a greasy spoon hamburger joint that was there all
through my childhood was no longer there, probably a good thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">We
rode by my elementary school, and then by the neighborhood I grew up in, the corporate version of the once mom and pop store where I used to catch my bus to school. A
few miles later we passed the road down to our favorite beach. And not much farther ahead we rode past the old
Rabe’s meadow, just down the hill from the site of what was Oliver's trailer park where we first lived upon moving to Tahoe. And in a flash we were back to our starting point at a casino parking lot at Stateline. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1490798011182359696" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="webkit-fake-url://AC73367A-95C0-4689-BF2C-8195417974A9/image.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">A
wonderful statement of Nature, Lake Tahoe is. Its power of mass and sheer beauty has
moved many to see it with eyes filled with wonder and awe. May its residents
now and in the future protect its beauty, its clarity, its trees, its beaches and
clear fresh air from the ravages of uncaring populations of previous
generations. Tahoe was taken for granted by too many environmentally
unconscious people for too many decades. But it has managed, with help, to
recover very slowly from its man-inflicted wounds. May that encouraging trend
continue. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1490798011182359696" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><img height="296" src="webkit-fake-url://36544840-25AE-4151-988E-A56FDA66C126/image.tiff" width="400" /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">May
the inspiring beauty of Lake Tahoe always be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;"></span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
</div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1490798011182359696" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<br />
<!--EndFragment-->Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-36682282639598422232012-09-08T11:40:00.001-07:002012-11-20T14:33:19.242-08:00A shameful tale: California's dental insurance gap<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I
volunteered at a free, two-day dental clinic just hosted in Sacramento by
California Dental Association. I did exit interviews of those who were among the
first people who stood in line to get badly needed dental care.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">A
rotating staff conducted the interviews to get recipient feedback. The short
sessions gave an up close and personal snapshot of people who came to the
clinic for all types of care, from cleanings to fillings, to tooth extractions
to dentures, to denture fixes, to broken teeth aid, toothaches, seemingly every
dental problem in the book. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The
CDA crew was big and well organized. Dentists and hygienists worked for free,
as did volunteers. Sponsors donated food and equipment. All was done in a massive
room at Cal Expo, the state fair grounds. Seen from a terrace above, the huge
clinic floor was abuzz with energy and activity. Lines of dentists and
hygienists worked on the steady stream of walk-in patients. Dental chairs were
fully equipped, and plumbed with water supplied and drained via temporary rigs
of PVC pipe. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Many
of the attendees stood in line all night to get treatment. As they entered, a
dentist determined what specific care they could receive on the visit. For some
it was a teeth cleaning that they hadn’t had from a dentist in years, or ever.
Others had complex problems, and because of the limitations of the clinic’s
time and resources, could get only the most critical of their problems worked
on.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">In May, a similar CDA free clinic held in Modesto successfully served a part
of the dental care deficit there.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">In
exit interviews I did, two things came up regularly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every person lacked dental insurance. And
every person couldn’t afford to go to a dentist to solve a problem, much less
get regular maintenance care such as cleanings and fillings. Most said that
even after getting care at the clinic, they wouldn't have the money to visit a
dentist in the future.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Some
of the people were poor and uneducated. Some were homeless. But many were obviously
educated and unemployed. Almost all were hugely grateful. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">One
woman, asked if she’d been welcomed and respected at the clinic, burst into
tears. She was so thankful she was speechless. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">A
man and his young son were there because they had pitched a tent near Cal Expo
the night before, the dad said. He and his son, the mother and another child,
took turns in the all-night line. The dad and son were among the first treated
on the clinic's opening morning.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Some
people had teeth pulled and were wracked with pain. Mouths full of gauze, they
could only point to their exit question answers. One older man had a whole new
set of teeth – new dentures -- and proudly beamed a smile with his new look. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">One
woman made it clear she appreciated work she’d received. But she and several
others said the line outside overnight was a scary experience. A TV crew showed
up in the pre-dawn hours to cover the interest in the free clinic. That
triggered a rush toward the entrance, causing fights and people to struggle to
keep their places in line. The woman also suggested water could have been
provided to the people in line, to ward off the effects of August heat. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The
overarching problem here is glaring: If you don’t have dental insurance, you
pretty much have to do without dental care. The lack of basic affordable care
for cleanings and fillings, along with education on how to properly brush and
floss every day, degrades anyone's dental health over time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">As
a result, the masses of dental care challenged in California have to be lucky
enough to hear of a free dental clinic like this that can serve only so many.
Then they’re faced with standing in line, likely overnight, and for some, in
less than safe conditions. All just to get long delayed relief from preventable
dental problems: needed extractions, broken teeth, needed plates, cleanings and
cavities that need drilling and filling. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">But
CDA dentists, sponsors and volunteers who donated huge amounts of time, effort,
expertise, money and equipment, deserve a standing ovation for this event. They
rolled up their sleeves and continued to tackle a huge problem in California. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The
effort exposed another of many big problems facing this state. This one is a
wide dental care gap. It’s about as wide as the gap on a set of dentures, with
no front teeth.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-24202154748919561552012-08-14T14:42:00.000-07:002013-05-23T22:45:52.824-07:00Avoid flying into windows<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I have a
fountain in my front yard that all kinds of birds like to fly to and flap
around in, cool off, have a few sips. One bad ass hawk occasionally flies in
and perches at the top where the water is pumped up, to cool his talons. All
the other birds clear out when he comes around. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">On summer
mornings before the heat sets in, I open the front door and leave it open. My small
dog Ricky likes to sit on the carpet square inside the front door and soak up
the morning sun. After he gets enough power sunbathing, he ambles back into the
house to take a nap. Eventually I’ll shut the front door.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The other
morning I was about to leave for an appointment when I heard what sounded like
one of my dog’s squeaky toys. Ricky’s a little older, and doesn’t play with his
toys much anymore. I checked and he looked up from his bed, not a toy near him.
The squeaking continued, and came from near the front door. I looked up to one
of the high windows above the door in the entry. I saw a hummingbird vainly
trying to fly away, bumping into the second floor window. His usual blurred high
RPM wing flaps had slowed to a flutter, and his occasional squeaks were his
panic button. He apparently didn’t get why he could see the trees off in the
distance, but couldn’t fly to them. In his brain, an invisible wall blocking
his flight, did not compute.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The little guy was
exhausted from bumping into the window and settled onto the sill.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I wanted to get him
out of the house quickly because I had to leave. I found a dust mop with only a
pivoting plastic slat on the end. I opened the front door to show the tiny bird
the path to freedom and poked the flopping end of the mop up to the sill. That
made him fly again, but he headed up against the second floor ceiling. He didn’t
notice the open door a few feet below him. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">“Look down,
c’mon, the door’s down here!” I called up to the scared little bird, as if he
could understand English. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">He fluttered
around in confusion and soon lost power. He dropped slowly until he settled on
a high flat spot, the shoulder of the chimney along the stairwell. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">But even when I went
up the stairs next to the square little ledge, I still wasn’t tall enough to
see onto it. I tried more blind herding with the mop, but it didn’t work. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Then I realized I
needed to leave soon for my appointment. I wrangled a barstool under the shelf and
got on it. Its swiveling seat made it tricky to stand on. And when I managed to
straighten up on it I still wasn’t tall enough to see onto the sill. Grrrrrr!
What the hell?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I needed a
ladder. I didn’t want to leave the bird where he was. He could die there or,
somewhere else in the house, after exhausting himself trying to get outside. I
didn’t want to come home to a poor dead bird I could have saved. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">So I stepped
quickly to the garage, pulled out a stepladder and set it up under the shelf. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I climbed it and
this time, I was high enough to see the shelf and the tired, scared little
hummingbird, wide-eyed, resting. He was propped up against the wall, and eyed
me with no small amount of suspicion. I moved my right hand slowly toward him and
gently put my fingers around him, gathering him in my palm. He didn’t struggle.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">At this point,
he probably thought he was a goner, in the hands of Godzilla, about to be eaten.
But he was too tired to resist. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I got down off
the ladder with him cupped in my hand and walked out the front door. I extended
my arm and opened up my hand, and the hummingbird knew what to do. The little
guy saw the open sky and trees. He flapped his wings and flew up and away. No
window stopped him this time. In a flash, he was gone. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Relieved, I rushed
off to my appointment. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Later, I told the
story to friends, and one retold it to a co-worker. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">“Did he notice
the metaphor?” the friend asked about me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Hmm, yes.
Metaphor? Analogy? Life lesson? Deep thought provoker?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I hadn’t thought
about it. It just happened and was over.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">When I was a kid
fishing on rocks along Lake Tahoe, I had a similar free-the-trapped-wildlife experience.
And it gave me a great feeling. To this day, it’s still one of my most spirit
lifting memories. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I caught a small
trout that I didn’t want to kill and fry up. My Dad, as was his way, listened
and understood. We kept the fish alive over night in the cold-water filled bathtub.
The next day, my Dad drove me and the fish – he was in a water filled bucket --
back to our fishing spot. I stood on the rocks at water’s edge and poured the
fish out of the bucket and into the lake. I watched the fish splash into the glassy
blue deep water and flash like lightening into his vast world of Lake Tahoe. I
can’t ever remember feeling more connected with the universe.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">So I pondered,
the whole free the hummingbird episode. Like the fish story, it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">did </i>have the drama of lost freedom we
all face at one time or another: freedom lost to unseen traps, fear, both real
and imagined, and the crapshoot of regaining lost freedom. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">So what if the
hummingbird could squeak English to give his account of his scary adventure,
one of many that humans commonly endure in their lives? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I imagine he’d say
something like this:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Hummingbird: “Hey,
I was trapped. I was tired. I needed help. And somehow I got out.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Me: “So did you
think it was a hopeless situation?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">H: “Pretty
much.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Me: “Get a life
lesson out of it?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">H: “Oh yeah. Never
fly through an open doorway to a building. You might not make it out. I was
lucky, I got out. But it was only because of help.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Me: “Anything
else?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">H: “You know those
things that block you, but you can’t see them? What are they called?” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Me: “You mean
windows?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">H: “Is that what
they’re called?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Me: “Yes,
windows.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">H: “Well, what
is the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">deal</i> with them?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Me: “I know what
you mean. It’s a bad feeling constantly running into something you can’t see.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">H: “No, not fun at
all.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Me: “But at
least you learned something to pass onto your friends. Don’t try to fly through
a window. Only bad things can happen.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">H: Yes, very
true. But that doesn’t help if you can’t see them. By the way, thanks for
setting me free.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Me: “No problem,
happy to do it. By the way, your English is impeccable. Why didn’t you listen
when I told you to fly out the door?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">H: “I was
freaked out. The only thing I heard was my bird brain yelling ‘Get out! Get
out!’ or, ‘Squeak! Squeak!’”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Me: “Yes, I
heard that. Well, stay free buddy.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">H: “Will do. Hey,
gotta fly. There are some flowers I need to check out.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">So I guess there
are messages in this little caper. For us humans, it might translate roughly
to: If you find yourself banging into a wall, stop. There’s surely another a
way around it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Oh, and if you
can free any trapped wildlife you encounter, figure out a way to set them free.
That’s a good one to remember. Even if you’re in a hurry, it will definitely make
your day.</span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></div>
Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-35380446156279223912012-07-12T22:51:00.001-07:002012-11-20T14:34:21.197-08:00Alpha Nuts talk jobs<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YK2sG9s3t4&feature=plcp">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YK2sG9s3t4&feature=plcp</a><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span>Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-16748474663392741712012-05-03T13:14:00.000-07:002012-11-20T14:35:19.600-08:00Biscuit Bob<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I happened upon
him while walking my 12-pound chihuahua mix, Little Ricky Ricardo, on our
neighborhood route. He was a tall, balding man with a round face and huge belly.
He looked to be in his mid-60s. He stood in front of his ramshackle house and
watched Ricky pull on the leash, excitedly trying to run to him. The man held a
small Milk Bone biscuit and offered it to Ricky, who ecstatically snatched it
out of his hand and snarfed up the delicious biscuit, tail wagging as he
munched. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The man
introduced himself as Bob and we exchanged howdy dos. It turned out that Bob
always carried dog biscuits in his pockets. He’d give one to any dogs on a walk
by his house. He knew every dog in the neighborhood. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">He mentioned to
me he’d had dogs, and missed them. He didn’t have any dogs anymore and didn’t
give a reason. I got the feeling he’d loved his dogs so much, he couldn’t
handle getting another one or two, and eventually losing them. Losing a loved
dog, or any pet for that matter, can cut too deep to do again. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">After that, Ricky
knew exactly where Biscuit Bob’s house was on our walk. He always picked up the
pace when we were 100 or so yards from the house. Ricky always looked hard for
him and as soon as he saw Biscuit Bob, it was like he’d just gotten a blast of
adrenaline: he danced on his springing back legs as he tried to sprint against
the leash, front paws in the air, pulling hard like a chihuahua sled dog, with
me being the sled. He was fired up to
cash in on another delicious biscuit from the big fella, ASAP. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Sometimes Biscuit
Bob was in front of his house or in the driver’s seat of his van. Sometimes he
wasn’t around. Sometimes he’d appear out of his house if he saw Ricky coming. He’d
give Ricky a biscuit and pets while we chitchatted about the weather. Bob loved
Ricky. Ricky loved Biscuit Bob.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">“Ohh yess, that’s
good, isn’t it,” he’d say in his raspy dog lover’s voice as he watched Ricky
munch in pure bliss, tail wagging. “Yess..My goodness gracious…oh yesss…” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Ricky, a master
at working humans for treats by dancing on his back legs while waving a
dogpaddle with his front paws, always went back to Bob to make a bid for a
second biscuit. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Bob gave him
pets and coos, but held his ground. He gave out a lot of biscuits to a lot of
dogs, so he had rules.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">“Only one per
customer,” he’d say. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">When Biscuit Bob
wasn’t around when we walked by, Ricky didn’t want to quit looking for him. He’d
look back after we kept walking, holding out hope he’d still see him. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Biscuit Bob
always kept the shades drawn on his front windows. When he was gone he left a
bright desk light on visible from the street. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I didn’t know
Bob’s story, but he lived alone. I asked him once what he’d done for a living,
since he was retired, and I think he said he’d been a mechanic. He once showed
me a radio controlled model plane he had in his truck. He liked to take it out
and fly it in open areas where other hobbyists do the same. When his breath was
labored and he looked like he felt ill, I’d ask him how it was going. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">“Fine,” He’d abruptly
answer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Which was his
way of saying none of your business.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Friendly to his
neighbors, he couldn’t be bothered with keeping his place up. It looked like
the thrashed “Malcolm in the Middle” house of sitcom past. His abode was a
grungy site, easily the shabbiest home on the tree-lined street on which most of
its modest homes and yards are neat, maintained and manicured. He never mowed
or watered his brown lawn.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I’ve felt bad
for the neighbors on each side of him. They got a daily view of Biscuit Bob’s
place, which could be mistaken for a crack house. From the street, it looks
like a self-contained, post-apocalyptic, scorched earth, nightmare. Clad in
faded gray stucco, it has old double-hung windows with blistered paint, dreary rust
colored shutters providing rain leached brownish stains down the side of the
house. The house has no roof gutters. His short, flat concrete driveway is busted
up into several large uneven pieces from massive tree roots growing under it. And
until a couple years ago, to give onlookers and neighbors an extra dose of
ugly, Bob had long kept old rusted inoperable cars and trucks parked in his
driveway. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">By the looks of its
curbside presentation, the house’s interior has to be a full-fledged disaster.
I pictured Bob sleeping on a greasy mattress in a room down the hall from a
foul smelling, never clean toilet. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The kitchen? The
living room? I imagine hoarded clutter everywhere, with useless, dusty, dirty,
stinky crap of all kinds piled high in every available space, with trails between
the junk piles to enable movement to the front door and the other rooms. Of
course it could have been immaculate in there. But…nah. No way.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Biscuit Bob
drove various used cars and trucks. His latest was a maroon van. Occasionally
when Ricky and I were on our walk, he’d drive by us and stop in the street,
open his driver side door and give Ricky his biscuit. Of course, Ricky went
nuts with glee.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Bob had bad
knees, his big, friendly, gregarious neighbor Lou, a woman who lived across the
street, told me. When his lawn grew tall from the rain, she mowed it for him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">One day he lost
his balance on his steps and fell. So he hired a carpenter across the street to
build a ramp from his porch to his driveway. After that was built, he used a
walker. His health had suddenly gone south and he’d been hospitalized. I saw
him after he came home. His face was gaunt, drained of color, he needed a
shave, he’d lost his belly. He looked hollowed out, not long for the world. But
he still had a biscuit ready for Ricky.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Then his van was
gone from his driveway for a long time. A few weeks later, someone had cut down
the bushes on the side of his house and put up a for sale sign. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">One day I walked
Ricky by Bob’s house and Lou was sitting on her front porch, head in hands,
sobbing uncontrollably. I felt like turning around so she could have her time alone.
But Ricky and I just kept walking, trying to be inconspicuous. She looked up, took
a deep breath, choked back her tears and called out to Ricky. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">“Nice summer
day, Ricky, gotta get your walk,” she called, the emotion edging her attempted
cheer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">She and her
friend Jody have always loved Ricky to meet up with their dachshund Maddie. Lou
took another deep breath, and I called across to her: “You take it easy, now.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I didn’t want to
ask what the problem was. Somehow it felt better to let her cry out her grief.
As we kept walking, I heard her resume sobbing as if she’d never stopped. I
don’t know for sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she just got the news that her
long-time neighbor, Biscuit Bob, was gone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">And a few days
later, in the warm, flower-scented spring twilight of a recent walk, I said
hello to the elder lady that lives next to Biscuit Bob. She looked up from her
gardening and I asked her if he had passed. She opened up as if she hadn’t talked to
anyone in a long time. She told me he died after an extended stay in the
hospital. She’s lived in her house 23 years, she said. Bob’s aunt gave him the
house years ago. The neighbor lady, whose own colorful, flower-full yard shows
her green thumb, said she knew Bob’s aunt when she lived in the house. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">“She kept it
beautiful,” she said.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Bob, she said,
had served in Vietnam. She said she’d ask him why he just let the place go to
seed, and he’d reply, “Why should I do anything when somebody else will do it?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The neighbor lady
said the house was just sold to men who told her they paid $140,000 for it. She
couldn’t comprehend the price, given the grim state of the property. They plan
to fix it up, she said, and replace the driveway. They told her they found a
canoe in the house. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I’m guessing the
new owners will try to flip the house. If so, any improvements will likely be done
on the cheap so they can pull out as much profit as possible. Still, it’ll take
a good chunk of change just to make the place inhabitable. A bulldozer could be
the best first step. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">As we chatted, Bob’s
neighbor lady told of her son who served on a ship that was shelled during the
Vietnam War. He had been badly injured. Nasty looking scars covered his legs
and after coming home, thoughtless teenagers mocked his legs when they saw him
in shorts. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">“That kind of
thing cuts deep,” she said. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I didn’t ask her
if her son is still alive, but I got the feeling he isn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Too many Vietnam
veterans were given the cold shoulder by our society upon returning home, largely
doing without critically needed support, morally, physically, psychologically,
or otherwise. Of all war veterans, the neighbor lady said, “They go through
things most of us could never imagine.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">It’s true. How
easily we here at home, who’ve never known the fear and the physical and emotional
trauma absorbed in combat, turn a blind eye. How easily we, who know nothing of
returning veterans’ struggle to cope with their wounded bodies and minds,
forget about their needs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Bob, as a
Vietnam vet, like many of his mates that managed to survive and make it back
home -- just like those returning these days from serving in Iraq and
Afghanistan – come home permanently changed from who and what they were when
they left for duty. They come home with injuries ranging from concussions, to hearing
loss to missing limbs, along with tsunamis of scary emotional trauma roiling in
their psyches. In many cases, their battle zone experiences have been enough to
fracture their at-home worlds into kaleidoscoped images of flashback horror. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Although current
returning veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan are getting more support at home,
more, no doubt, could be done to help them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">How do they pick
up the pieces? Some get physical and mental therapy that helps them normalize
their worlds with the love and support of their families. But some just can’t shake
the seared in memories of their wartime experiences. Trying to cope, some hit
the bottle or get hooked on drugs, or both. Some have bursts of violence. Some
isolate themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Biscuit Bob lived
in full retreat, trying to make it through what he had left of his life as
quietly as possible. Only he knew what he brought back from Vietnam, no one
else knew what his eyes saw there. Whatever it was, he kept it bottled up tight.
His way to deal with his at-home world was to keep to himself, to wait it all
out. Just wait. Until, mercifully, it was his time to go. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">He didn’t care
what people thought of him or his crapped out house, yard and junk cars. It
didn’t matter to him. He just did what he had to do. He was himself, for better
or worse. No apologies. He’d given up big pieces of himself. Pieces he knew he would
never get back. He just wanted to be left alone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> “He was a lost soul,” said his neighbor lady.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Now, whenever we
approach Biscuit Bob’s house on our walk, Ricky still trots faster. To him, a
treat is ahead. When Ricky gets to his yard, he looks hard for his big friend.
He’s sure Biscuit Bob will appear, with a trusty Milk Bone in his hand, ready
to deliver. Ready to give him some pets.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 19px;"></span></div>
<div class="post-footer" style="background-color: #eee9dd; border-bottom-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: -2px; margin-right: -2px; margin-top: 20px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></div>
Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-64936695642976008702012-04-13T12:02:00.000-07:002012-11-20T14:36:00.602-08:00Put on some pants<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/> <w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/> <w:OverrideTableStyleHps/> </w:Compatibility> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276"> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";}
</style> <![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Editor’s Note: Below is the script of a late night TV infomercial aired during a commercial break in the movie, “My Cousin Vinny.” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">A CASINO SCENE IS ON THE SCREEN. THE CAMERA MOVES IN TO DANIEL CRAIG AS A STONE FACED JAMES BOND. A SMOOTH VOICED ANNOUNCER NARRATES:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“It’s something we all strive for. For a man, it’s the key to getting attention from a woman. You know what I’m talking about. It’s being cool. It’s being hip. It’s being a man without acting like, well, femmy. This is how most men want to be seen, and why not? They want to be a man that exudes an air of QC. Yes, quiet confidence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So why are there so few men out there like this? Hip, cool guys in social and physically challenging situations?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">VIDEO CUTS TO A MIDDLE-AGED BARTENDER WITH SLICKED BLACK HAIR, BROAD TANNED FACE, WHITE STARCHED SHIRT, BLACK VEST. HE SMILES AS HE LOOKS ACROSS THE BAR. BEHIND HIM IS A ROW OF BACKLIT LIQUOR BOTTLES:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Hiya men, Joey Balls here! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">HE TURNS TO A SIDE CAMERA AND TALKS IN A LOWERED CONFIDENTIAL TONE:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Ya know, you gals are welcome to watch, but if you got a man in the house, it might do them good to come to the TV right now. I’ve got some good info that might help ‘em out for your benefit, if ya know what I mean. So I’m gonna talk directly to them, if ya don’t mind. Okay, so here goes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">JOEY LOOKS BACK ACROSS THE BAR AND STARTS HIS PITCH: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So guys, ya know, a wise man once said, there’s no shortage of pussy for the man that doesn’t act like one! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Well, I won’t tell you who this wise man is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">But, okay. It’s me! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Yeah, maybe I went a little over the top callin’ myself wise, but hey! Put it this way, I’m in a position to know some things! And sometimes I do crack wise, so okay, enough of the chit-chat. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Now guys, take it from me, a lifelong Manhattan bartender with a street-level PhD in human behavior: Not being a pussy is a worthy goal for every self-respecting straight male. And no, I’m not talking about house cats here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Because when a man acts like a pussy, that means he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really is a pussy!</i> And that, truth be told, makes him unworthy of his man card. He might as well start wearing a dress. (No offense, cross dressers, nothing wrong with that. Go for it.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So if you’re not a cross dresser, there’s nothing else to do but: Put on some pants, for Cryin’ Out Loud!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">See, it’s important for a man to have a valid man card. If he doesn’t have a VMC, he really won’t command much respect, especially from a good part of the female of the species. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Guys, let me tell you a little secret: A real man is admired, especially by women who are sick to death of pussies, i.e., straight guys who suddenly act like giddy girls, petulant princesses or quirky queens. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Now don’t get me wrong, many women feel more comfortable around a man exhibiting pussy behavior. That’s because a lotta these gals are bossy, and they can easily boss a balls-free man and get no resistance. They like that. Other gals purposely hang with gay men because they don’t have to guard against unwanted come-ons from creepy skirt chasers. And that way they can talk clothes and shoes, celebrity gossip, and all the other girly talk – with a different kinda man, but technically still a man.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">But guys, there are many women that prefer men that don’t act like pussies. You know, a guy with a glimmer of intelligence, an opinion, some physical fitness, who’s cool under pressure: A no BS guy who has a pair. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And who has QC. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Too many times at my bar, I watch these women see a guy show his pussy behavior, and that’s it, they have no interest. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">And what self-respecting single man – that isn’t gay – wants that? Now let me be clear, there’s nothing wrong with being gay. If you’re gay, you’re gay, go for it, that’s great. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">But straight men, FYI, man pussies are everywhere these days. I see ‘em at my bar all the time. These are the many “men” out there that don’t even know they’re acting like pussies. If they did, they’d be red in the face. They’d no doubt love to be clued in on what they shouldn’t do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So just what is a pussy?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Well, funny you should ask! If you order now, you can get my best selling DVD, “How Not to be a Pussy” for $12.99, shipping included. Just call the number on the screen and operators will process your order ASAP.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Among the man card saving tips you’ll get with this incredible life changing information will be:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">How to spot pussy behavior in yourself and other “men.” Here’s a preview of a few dead giveaways: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">You always do what you’re told by your significant other. Because if you don’t, you’ll be the object of wrath. This is known as ball-breaking. And you can officially call yourself pussy-whipped!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">You never exercise, so you’re a tubby-ass couch potato; You have no self-respect. You’re pathetic. You hate yourself so you get drunk. You’re a sad non-man.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">When faced with a physical challenge of any kind, you always back away. You don’t feel like a man. Because you’re not.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Your drink of choice is an appletini, a cosmo, or a lemon drop. Or a rum and Coke. Or white zinfandel. Or “lite” American “beer.” Don’t get me started…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Whenever the shit hits the fan, you quit, walk away or blubber like a baby that just dropped a pant load. You wish you had your mommy’s teat to suck on. You’re pathetic. An embarrassment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Any of the above sound a little too familiar? Well there <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> something you can do about it, and it’s just a call away!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">In this value-packed DVD, you’ll find out more man enhancing behaviors that will ensure not only that everybody knows you have a pair, but they’re solid brass.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Plus, you’ll also get the inside scoop on: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">• How to make sure you eliminate pussy behavior.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">• How to deal with other “men” displaying pussy behavior.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">• How to make sure your significant other knows that although other guys may be pussies, you’re definitely not a pussy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Now, FYI, this isn’t to make you into some macho freak that face paints or pulls stupid frat-boy pranks. No, I’m talking just about being a real man by <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">being one</i>. That means when it’s time to step up to the plate, you’ll no longer get into the fetal position, whimper, suck your thumb and drool.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So act now, and learn how to join the real man’s world. And, if you’re one of the first 50 orders of my DVD, I’ll throw in a whiskey shot glass and fresh hand-made cigar from my personal walk-in humidor. Now that’s a value only a pussy would pass on!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Bob, tell ‘em how to get these balls rollin’! But first, some testimonials of my man empowering DVD:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“I never knew what a pussy I was until I saw Joey Ball’s DVD. What an eye opener! When I tried out the easy to understand recommendations, I never had so much female attention in my life!” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Jerrod<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“I always thought I was all man until I took Joey’s pussy detection test. But after a few changes, now I know I am, and I can feel the admiration around me.” Cecil<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“My husband followed Joey Balls’ DVD life changing advice, and now our marriage has turned from boring to roaring! I’m finally the only pussy in this relationship! Thank you Joey Balls!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Rachel<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">OK, alright, enough of the chit-chat. Go, Bob!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">ENTHUSIASTIC ANNOUNCER: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Right, Joey Balls!</i> Call the number on your screen, operators are standing by. Be sure to have your major valid credit card number ready. And men, remember what Tell it Like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It Is</i> series host Joey Balls says: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Time to put on some pants!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">OffernotavailabletoalllocationsclaimsmadeinthisadareonlytheopinionofJoeyBallsallsalesarefinal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Screen returns to the prison scene of “My Cousin Vinny.”</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;"><br />
</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-54816377593684575352012-04-05T15:59:00.003-07:002012-11-20T14:36:31.087-08:00You need to do this<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The following is an audio recording of a recent free sales seminar by business adviser Leon, titled “Scaring up Sales,” given recently to a handful of consumer goods salesmen attending the annual Ultimate Sellout trade show in Las Vegas.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Leon, giving his presentation in a powder blue suit and plaid tie, has authored the self-published “Leon sez” Fear Series including: “Scare and Win,” “Fear Is Your Friend,” “Effective Fear,” and “Fear = Money+Power.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Leon:</b> Tanks folks fah comin’ today, I know dere’s lot’s ta do while heeyuh in Vegas – eat, drink, gamble, and uh, udda tings. But I knows all dozen or sos a yous who wanna heyuh what I have ta say are foist-rate sales executives. Ya know how I knows? Ya lookin’ for dat edge dat most othas don’t have. Well, let me tell ya someting. You come to da right place. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I wanna share wit ya someting today dat just might help ya beat da competition and bring ya big results every time: Feeyuh.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Because I guaranthee dere is no mowa effective weapon in ya sales pitches. Ya may be familya wit it. But I bet ya never used it ta its full potential, shall we says. I’m gonna show ya how ta convut it inta mowa sales dollahs. Even political wins. I guaranthee it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So lemme get down ta bidness. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">OK, I got some good news. And I got some bad news. Fust, da bad news. Of coewus, we all know what it’s like ta be scayud. Not so fun, am I right? But den dere’s da good news. And that, my friends, is dat scarin' ya audience is very effective. That’s because dere aint no greatah motivatah than feeyuh. Wuhks every thime. In fact, if you knows what ya doin,’ it’ll make ya rich beyond ya dreams!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">See, it is a basic human trait ta wanna feel safe. And a major pawt of feelin' safe is makin' money, having powah an' indypendence. On da udda hand, da majah pawt of feelin' unsafe is da prospect of losin' tings we like: Such as money, physical safety, owa health, owa house, owa fambly. And it’s a proven fact dat if people tink dey might lose any of da above, but ah shown a way ta pay ta avoid dat, dey will do so. Gladly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So if we wanna help sales along, it is very helpful ta us if we give da pitch thusly. You wanna give da general drift that if da poyson don’t buy dis product or dat suhvice, or candidate, dey ah at risk, shall we say. But den you make it puhfectly cleeyuh, in a nice way, dat if da poyson buys dis product, dat person will be absolutely safe. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So dis is all about yous explainin' the scary risks of not buyin' and the safety of buyin.' And if you convince, you have no shortage of buyas of ya goods an' suhvices. Get what I’m sayin’?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Now, dis ain’t anythin’ new unda da sun. It’s been goin' on since da dawn a man. It’s da aht of puhsuadin'. Ya know what I means. Gettin' people to pay yous many American dollahs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I’ll give ya some examples.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I sold a lot of timeshaya vacations once at an intanational resaht dat shall remain nameless. I hiyud some tough guys ta man da exit dowas of da room. I made my pitch and tol' people dey needed ta buy a timeshaya or dey couldn't leave da room. At dat point I had da bounceas all slam da exit dowas shut at da same time. Da loud noise scayud evabody. I put it in theya minds dat if dey wanted to leave, dey'd have to buy vacation timeshayas from me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Guess what? Dey bought many timeshayas. It wasn’t like dey wouldn’ta bought ‘em anyways. I just helped 'em dacide a lil' fastah!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">What about pitches fa udda suhvices?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">OK, no problem.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Tiyas. Dat's easy. Message: Ya tiyas don’t have enough tread on them ta be safe. Buy new ones o' when da roads ah wet, ya cah hydraplanes outta control and ya crash an' die at woist. At best, ya sippin' soup da resta ya life. Bettah get new tiyas.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Health Insurance. Message: Buy all ya can. Uddawise, ya get sick and can’t woik, ya lose ya home, all ya money, den ya die.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Buhgla alahms. Message: Get one. Uddawise ya lose da contents of ya home, and maybe killed if ya run inta da buhgla. If ya injah him, he sues ya and ya lose ya house.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Political candidates: Message: Dis guy will make ya money, keep ya from losin' money, and he’s a nice guy. The udda guy takes ya money an' safety, he’s a sleazebag. Dis guy is ya guy. Vote fa him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">See folks, it's simple. It wuhks. I’d be happy to sign my books and DVDs available for puhchase over heeyuh on dis table. You might wanna consider buyin' dem. (Doors slam in background) That’s because da dowas is now locked. Did you heeyuh dem just get, uh, slammed shut? Okay, ya can’t leave da room til ya buy a' least one-a my DVDs o' books! So consida howz much freedoms ya lose if ya don’t. Now dat’s a scary thought! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Thanks yous, an' have a great time while heyuh at da show an' in Leon’s favorite city, where he knows lots of people. The one and only… Las Vegas!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16pt;"><br />
</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></span>Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-11575414543860285722012-02-11T13:13:00.001-08:002012-11-20T14:37:16.897-08:00Uncle Roger<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">My Uncle Roger, my mom’s little brother by six years, was, when I was growing up, one of the few sane adults in our family of extroverts and drunks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Born during the year of the first big Wall Street crash in 1929, Roger’s main goal in life was safety. He wanted no surprises. He needed everything running smoothly. If order needed restoring, he would do everything in his power to restore it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He was all about keeping control, probably because he grew up without a dad, around a pack of women and no shortage of loud chaos. When I was a kid in the car with him, I knew it was my job to buckle my seatbelt and keep quiet. He wasn’t a hardass, he just made it clear he hated anything loud. And loud to him was about the same decibel level of kids yakking at each other.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">While I didn’t get his need for quiet, his steady, controlled world was a welcome comfort to my two older sisters and myself. My dad, while loving and emotionally available when sober, was an alcoholic and an unreliable provider. As a kid, I always thought if anything ever happened to my mom, there was always Uncle Roger. I had no doubt he would take care of us if we needed a place to go. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">But then, one of my sisters or me had a dream that he died. That possibility shook me up. Without him, I couldn’t see any safety net for we three. We’d be orphans for sure. The good thing was, it was only a bad dream. He was always there for many years, well into our adulthoods. In fact, he was around until a few weeks ago, when he died at 82. He finally lost a nearly three-year battle with ALS.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I always liked being around Uncle Roger because he was always good for a few colorful stories.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One was of Gus, my dad’s older brother. Roger was fond of Gus and my dad, Henry. My dad married Lois, his sister and my mom. They all grew up together in the same neighborhood in Chicago near Wrigley Field. But Gus, as well as my dad and their sisters, were no strangers to high alcohol intake. And one time, Roger reported, Gus spent the night at his house, getting up at one point to pee. It wasn’t until some time later that Roger, still a kid at the time, discovered that Gus had filled up his Boy Scout’s canteen with some personal yellow liquid.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“Threw that in the garbage can,” said Roger, still wincing at the thought.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Roger always admired my dad. My dad served in the Navy in World War II, doing his tour in the South Pacific. And Roger, 12 years younger, followed in his footsteps. He served in the Navy in the early 50s, in Guam. He liked my dad’s humor and admired his creative abilities as a cabinetmaker and professional bass player. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“He can do anything with his hands,” he’d say about my dad, with no small bit of envy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He told of a job he had as a bricklayer once. It didn’t last long. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“I couldn’t lay bricks in a straight line,” he said. “My wall would have veered into the next lot.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Roger was always thin, athletic, medium height, auburn hair. He was a clean-cut man with beady brown eyes and a sharp featured, handsome face. He had the deep, resonant voice of a broadcaster, and did some radio announcing while in the Navy. He told one Navy story of reading copy over the air off a piece of paper that a prank-happy buddy decided to light on fire while he read. Roger was a focused guy, and became very determined whenever challenged. He was proud to report that he read through the whole message while the page burned, finishing before it was fully engulfed in flames.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Roger was a picky eater, and coming from a family that liked to cook and eat, he spent a lot of his time refusing repeated offers of food. I remember him more than a few times putting both palms out while saying, “No thanks.” His palms-out “halt” sign was an automatic response for him, his way of keeping a safe distance from things he didn’t like. He wanted nothing to do with cooking and eating fancy meals like those whipped up by my mom or others. His idea of a great dinner was soup and popcorn.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He and his big sister were polar opposites. She believed in home ownership, Roger believed in living in an apartment. She had kids. He never wanted kids. She loved to travel overseas. He wasn’t too wild about leaving the state. She liked Porsches, Audis, Volkswagens, Saabs. He liked Chevys, Fords and Oldsmobiles. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">She loved the beach. He hated the beach. The beach at the ocean, he told me once, “Smells like a fish’s armpit.” My mom liked to party. He liked quiet and working crosswords. In fact, once at the beach when we yelled out, goofing around as kids, he told us to keep it down. Which annoyed me. I couldn’t understand it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Still, he called me Tiger and paid me a buck to clean the sod and mud out of the cleats in his golf shoes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He and my mom did have some things in common. They both liked nature and loved animals. And they both felt it very important to drive well-maintained, clean cars. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">In the late 1940s Uncle Roger moved from Chicago to Burbank to live near his mom and step-dad, Bill Burns. He enrolled in business courses at UCLA and got himself a white and copper two-toned 1955 Chevy. In 1960 he married his first wife, Dottie, a pretty platinum blonde he met at a bus stop. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">They lived in a Burbank apartment. Dottie had been a battered wife in a previous marriage. Her ex-husband was an alleged murderer, and she’d lost her kids, don’t know how many, to foster care. She looked at her marriage to Roger as her safe haven from the hellish life she’d lived.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">She didn’t have a job, and preferred to sit on the end of their gold silk couch, chain smoke Herbert Tareyton filtered cigarettes, knit, drink tea with cream and sugar in it and watch soap operas – all day long, every day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I know this because as a kid, when I was 7 or 8, a couple of times in the summer, my sisters and I took a Greyhound down from Tahoe to visit Roger and Dottie as our great adventure vacation away from home. I’d be bored in the apartment as she knitted and smoked and watched TV. So she took me along when she got her hair done, and when she went to the doctor. I waited for seemingly hours on end at the hair salon. Then I waited at the doctor’s office, then waited while she shoe shopped, where she flirted with a fawning shoe salesman. He couldn’t help fondling her bare foot with the delicate gold anklet on it. By then I was nearly comatose from the agonizing hours of stone cold boredom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">She must have felt guilty, because after this string of errands finally ended, she took me to a toy store and said I could get anything I wanted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I was overwhelmed by the possibilities. It took me a long time to make a choice. But she waited for me. I got a mini plastic girder set to make little office buildings, bridges and streets, little metal cars and a small shiny palomino horse with a plastic Western saddle that snapped on under the horse’s belly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> After the thrill of playing with those distractions wore off, I again found myself watching her smoke, knit, and drink her creamed and sugared tea while watching TV. I was so bored I asked her if she would teach me to knit, so I could knit a saddle blanket for my plastic horse. She didn’t bat an eye, and taught me the machinations of needles, yarn, knitting and purling. When my sisters heard of my knitting foray, they looked at me oddly. Apparently they thought my learning to knit wasn’t what normal boys did. I really didn’t care. I was bored, needed something to do. I knitted a miniature orange saddle blanket, and it turned out pretty nice. But that was enough for me. I hung up the knitting needles and yarn for good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Roger took us to Pacific Ocean Park, a carnival with rides built on a pier at an LA beach. And he took me to Bat Night at a Dodger game. Every kid was given a bat, which they’ve long since stopped doing for understandable reasons. And of course, the bats were mercilessly pounded into the stadium concrete all game long by the sugar-riddled hyper kids, each dying to get enough room to really swing their new bats like the big leaguers do. Poor Uncle Roger probably considered the ceaseless pinging of bats banging down on concrete during Bat Night to be one of the worst experiences of his life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He took us to the zoo in his brand new 1963 Chevy Impala, his company car that was replaced by a new model every two years. Dottie or Roger would take photos of us on these outings and Dottie would write witty captions on the backs of the photos in her neat penmanship. She’d make merry with comments when one of our heads were cut off by the edge of the shot. On the back of one unflattering photo of herself she wrote: “Mae West still trying.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Coming home tired from his sales job, Roger bristled when he found out Dottie hadn’t bothered to make the bed. He needed order, and an unmade bed was a vexing sign of chaos to him. So, still in his shirt and tie, he’d fume and make the bed himself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Once he and Dottie visited us in Tahoe for Christmas, and rented a vintage cabin with a large stone fireplace. They joined my parents, sisters and me on a road trip to a mountain top ski area that for some reason had some caged zoo animals on display: A loudly whooping chimpanzee and a disinterested lion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">It was sunny but cool with some snow still on the ground, and my fashion conscious mom wore a snug fitting lavender après ski outfit. Even though she didn’t ski much, with her long legs, bouffant hairdo and Jackie Kennedy sunglasses, she looked like she could pose for a magazine shot. Instead, as she walked past the lion’s cage, the lion turned around and shot a rocket-propelled stream of hot piss out of the cage. It arched about 20 feet, and landed with a direct splash on my mom and her outfit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">This sent her younger brother, Uncle Roger, into howling, catatonic laughter. He saw the surprised look on my mom’s face -- the post lion pee shot reaction -- and lost it. We kids weren’t sure if we should laugh or not. My mom was a tough customer and we didn’t want to incur her well known wrath. She didn’t seem to know what to do. It was one of the few times I can recall when my mom, who usually had something to say about everything, was speechless.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Roger howled mercilessly, and when he finally got his breath back, he blurted, “What are you going to tell the <i>cleaners</i>???!!!” then continued with his hyena-like laugh-jag.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Roger was a big fan of potty humor, which as a kid, I agreed, was incredibly hilarious. He once wrote the following in a neighbor’s joke sign-in book hanging on a string with a pen next to their toilet: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“House Rules: Anything weighing over six pounds must be let down with a rope.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One Christmas card that Roger passed around showed Santa’s reindeer taking a smoke break on Christmas eve, standing on their hind legs like men, leaning against the big sleigh, sneering. The caption had one of them saying: “Here comes fatty and his big bag of crap.” My uncle laughed and laughed over that one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Once while on a drive with him I told him how funny Cheech and Chong were. I said a line off one of their albums: “Happyhappyhappyhappy, aint too proud to bitch, onlymymamalovesme -- but she could be jivin’ too -- p</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">lease welcome, B</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">lind Melon Chitlin!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He looked over at me, and broke up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Roger and Dottie hosted Christmas at their rented Tahoe cabin, and Roger bought a Christmas tree so tall and wide it wouldn’t fit through the door of the cabin. This unexpected roadblock rattled Roger. He sprung into action. He got a saw, and with fierce determination, crawled on his belly and frantically sawed off the bigger lower branches, grunting and writhing under the tree in the doorway. We kids just watched, stunned by his intensity. Roger soon freed the tree from the door and once it was set up in the cabin’s living room, he happily turned things over to Dottie. As I remember, he was exhausted from the ordeal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Dottie bought mountains of presents with Roger’s dough and showed us kids how to string popcorn and cranberries as garlands for the tree. She stuffed all our stockings with myriad little gifts that, to us, were magical. I got an ant farm, and still remember the miniature keychain pipe I got. For some reason, I was oddly fascinated by blowing air through it as I walked through all the debris of opened presents in my PJs, which had silly-ass slippers sewn into the PJ bottoms. My sister Lauren was ecstatic when she got a live white parakeet as a present. She named it Tootie after some goofy TV show screw-up cop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Uncle Roger was unnerved by the mayhem of ripped open boxes and torn wrapping paper strewn everywhere around the tree on Christmas morning. He wanted none of it, and quickly made it his task to crumple up armfuls of cardboard and wrapping paper and throw them into the fire. It wasn’t long until he had it all feeding flames roaring halfway up the chimney. But because of Uncle Roger, the cabin floor reappeared, free of clutter. And for him, at least for the time being, order had been restored.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One time Uncle Roger came to Tahoe to ski, but on the night before he was to drive back to his LA job, it snowed a couple of feet. His luxury Chevy wasn’t too nimble in snow and icy conditions and it was parked at the top of our steep 100-foot driveway, buried under freshly fallen snow. He would have to back the Chevy down the driveway, then hope its tire chains would provide enough traction to make it up our steep street and over many miles of ice and snow-slicked roads leading out of the Sierra. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He panicked. He couldn’t stand the idea of being late back to work. All he knew was there was a whole lot of snow everywhere. There was only one thing he could think to do: Start shoveling.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He got a snow shovel and attacked the enemy, the snow, a man possessed. Snow flew off his shovel as if he were moving in fast forward. We all watched him from the kitchen window, but didn’t think there was much we could do to help. We weren’t in any hurry to shovel snow. We knew when it snowed this much, you better not plan on being anywhere in a hurry. Plus, we didn’t have to be back at work 500 miles away the next day. But somehow, Uncle Roger willed his path out of the snowbound mountains and drove back to LA. I think he was a day late. Which in itself was impressive. That was the thing about Uncle Roger. He got focused when the going was out of control and on the verge of making him blow a gasket. His focus was tempered in his steel will. It was his go-to weapon to deal with the chaos of life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He divorced Dottie in 1966 and set about reinventing himself as an eligible bachelor in a Burbank singles apartment. He subscribed to Playboy magazine, equipped his bathroom with a tall can of Right Guard spray deodorant and a hair dryer, and occasionally even smoked cigars in his living room. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One summer afternoon it was family day at his apartment and kids were allowed to use the pool. I was 11 or 12. I told Roger I knew how to swim. He told me to swim across the pool for him and he’d watch. Of course I wanted to impress him. So I swam as fast as I could, wind-milling through the water, splashing and kicking violently. When I made it to the other side, completely winded, he looked down from poolside, laughing. “You just killed two people!” he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Later, a drunken, happy go lucky neighbor of Roger's was reeling around poolside and came up to us. Roger introduced me and quickly edged away. A few minutes later the guy saw me again away from the pool and for some reason – maybe he had a thing for little boys -- gave me a dollar. I told Roger about it and he had me hand over the dollar. As we walked away from the pool, Roger went up behind the guy and stuffed the buck in his back pocket. “He’ll find it in a few days and wonder where it came from,” said Roger as we walked out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Roger was a thoughtful, loyal friend. But he hated public displays of affection. They creeped him out. When I graduated from college, my family threw a party for me and he attended. He was standing off by himself, looking like he would rather be anywhere else. My girlfriend at the time said to me, “Go give him a hug!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“I don’t know,” I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“Aw c’mon,” she said. “Show him you love him!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I knew that was a bad idea, because I knew my Uncle Roger hated that kind of thing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">But I’d had a few beers, so I thought, well hell, I do love my uncle, so I AM gonna give him a hug. As I approached him with my arms out, he stood bolt upright, his arms rigidly at his sides, terrified as I hugged him. His scared face told me he thought I was insane, capable of any number of dangerous acts. I awkwardly pulled away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He once told me of a party he went to that turned out to be a disaster. As he was coming up the walkway, he said all he heard a desperate shriek: “Someone get the dog!” as he saw a big German Shepard bolting toward him. My uncle instinctively crouched and threw an uppercut which caught the dog right on the nose. The dog was seriously hurt, blood everywhere, they had to call a dog ambulance. The owner, horrified and infuriated by what had taken place, walked up and declared to Roger that he was going to punch him for what he’d done. Roger, adrenaline flowing, said if he did, that would be a bad idea. Because he’d sue. That made the man think again, and he cooled his jets. Roger went home, feeling tortured by the ordeal. He loved animals. But not those he thought were about to tear his face off. He’d felt threatened, and did what he had to do. No doubt about it, when his back was against the wall, Uncle Roger was one wolverine who was perfectly willing to throw down, all out. It was just a bad idea to mess with him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">This was especially true if he was the victim of someone breaking the rules. He had no tolerance for people that assumed rules didn’t apply to them. He told me that once on a flight before smoking was banned in all seats, he asked a guy who lit up next to him to put out his cigarette, since they were in a no smoking section. The guy just kept smoking as if nothing had been said. Roger, getting upset even as he recounted the story, asked the stewardess to please tell the guy to put out the cigarette. She didn’t want to do it and clearly hoped Roger would just drop it. But that wasn’t going to happen. Not with my Uncle Roger.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Then Roger said to the stewardess with a quavering low tone that barely disguised a man on the verge of murdering someone with a spatula: “You really better have him put it out, or else he’s going to <i>eat</i> it!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">His declaration was convincing. The man hurriedly stubbed out the cigarette.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Uncle Roger also told me the story of hiking with buddies out in the wilderness somewhere with heavy backpacks and new fishing poles, when on a cliff side trail, they realized they were lost. This kind of out of control scenario really irked my uncle. He was driven closer to the edge, literally, when the guy hiking in front of him said they needed to turn around and go back. His sudden and awkward attempt to turn around on the narrow, treacherous path caused his fishing pole and backpack to get tangled in the brush on the uphill side of the trail. This meant to Roger that things were rapidly spinning out of control. He was just about to lose it. Then he lost it. He had a sudden solution. He pulled the tangled fishing pole off the guy’s backpack in front of him, gathered it with his own new pole pulled from his own backpack, and in a raging fury, tossed the collected gear into the abyss below. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">They eventually found their way back, Roger no doubt fuming the whole way. Don’t know if he made good on the tossed poles.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">And Uncle Roger couldn’t stand it if his car didn’t run right. If he detected the smallest irregularity, he’d drive the car straight to the shop. He once took his car to a mechanic in Tahoe. Roger knew the car’s timing was off by how it sounded on the road. He was impressed with the mechanic, who replaced his spark plug wires. His work left his car running “perfect,” sounding to Roger just the way he knew it should. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">In Burbank, he told me he once took his car to a mechanic for some unknown problem he’d heard. He took it back several times, each time the mechanic telling him the fix was something different. But he still heard the problem and would take it back. The last time he took the car in, the mechanic said it was the same problem he'd told Roger on the first visit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“Full circle,” said Uncle Roger, with a pained look. Not sure if the original problem was ever fixed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">When his Ford was stolen out of the garage of his apartment, he bought a new 1977 Oldsmobile Cutlass for $7,000. That was the same car he drove more than 30 years. He kept it in top condition, filled it up and ran it through the car wash every week, and put 177,000 miles on it. He re-upholstered it with the original fabric. When he couldn’t drive it anymore because of his ALS, he sold it to a collector for $4,700.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Years ago, I stayed at his place a week or so while transferring to a Southern California university. I’d gone through a rough patch and he saw I was moping. He didn’t judge me. He just said, “What’s important is what you do from here forward.” That was what my uncle did. He helped out. His gentle words stayed with me and got me to move on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">While I was staying with him, he drove me to the nearby neighborhood where my family lived when I was a baby. I only remembered it mainly through old movies and photos. He seemed to sense beforehand that I would be curious to see the old family place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">During that visit we shot the bull for the first time, man to man. He told me his favorite writer was Ralph Waldo Emerson. When the subject turned to making a living, he said he’d thought about going into journalism, but that it didn’t pay enough. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">And he told me the hardest thing about having a job was getting a boss you could get along with. Apparently his boss did something to him that he really didn’t like while he was a salesman at an aerospace firm. He went to the big boss and told him to either get rid of his boss or he was gone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Don’t know the outcome of that. But he eventually became a self-employed investment adviser. And I’m sure it was because he didn’t want to work for anybody but himself. And over the years, I learned Uncle Roger was right. An A-hole boss makes any job not so great.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">When my parents were getting close to a divorce, Roger was my mom’s counselor. She’d phone him and he’d listen, offering his thoughts. His was the steady voice of reason, a calming influence to my mom as she tried to cope with my dad’s alcoholism and threats to kill himself if she divorced him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">She eventually met the local city manager and divorced my dad. After she met John, who became my step-dad, Roger joked, “I didn’t get any calls from her anymore.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">But he was always the go-to guy of the family. He set up Uncle Leonard, his Aunt Esther’s surviving husband, at Leisure World in Seal Beach after Uncle Leonard retired from his job in Chicago. Because of Roger, Uncle Leonard lived out his life in style. He got a girlfriend, and was glad to have the Southern California change from his lonely life in Chicago. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Roger also looked in on his step-dad, Bill Burns, who lived to be 97. The last husband of Roger’s late mom, Bill lived alone in his old age. And Roger also watched over Uncle Walter, his mom’s younger brother, who lived nearby. Uncle Walter lived to 95.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">In 1974, while living in a Burbank singles apartment named Oakwood, Uncle Roger met Joan. Little did he know then, when he was 45, that she would be by his side until he died nearly 38 years later. He was at a Sunday night poolside barbecue with a girlfriend and noticed Joan, an attractive strawberry blonde, sitting nearby. He quickly dropped his girlfriend and started taking Joan out on tennis dates. But he didn’t have the patience to teach her how to play. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">She told him, “You can teach me to play tennis, or date me, but you can’t do both.” So he chose the latter. They didn’t live together until 1985. Still, not wanting to move too fast, he waited until Valentine’s Day 1999 to marry her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">He came down with symptoms of ALS in November of 2009. The disease slowly takes away control of the body. It forced him down a terrifying path of physical decline. For nearly three years it withered him, a perfectly healthy man his whole life, before taking his last breath. Joan stood by him through the horror and agony of it all, giving him all the comfort she could, while they both awaited the inescapable outcome. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">When I asked her how she was doing while caring for him, she was resigned to deal with what fate had delivered. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“What are you going to do?” she’d say. She couldn’t do anything else but care for Roger for as long as he needed it. If ever there was a definition of love, that’s it. He, no doubt, would have done the same for her. But he couldn’t bring himself to say “I love you,” to Joan, after she'd make the declaration to him. Instead, he’d reply, “Thank you.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“I know you love me Roger,” she’d say. “Aren’t you ever going to tell me?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“Maybe.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">It wasn't until his hospice care that he declared he didn’t believe in God, which was news to Joan. She asked why he’d insisted they get married in a church, but never got an answer. He was touched by final days visits by my two sisters, emotionally telling Joan afterward that they really cared about him. I wasn’t able to visit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The last time I saw my Uncle Roger at my sister’s house, he was physically uncomfortable and needed a lot of sleep. But I got a photo of him and Joan hugging, where he gave his patented silly grin. I made a point of telling him how I treasured all the times I had with him as a kid. He looked at me, deadpan and said, “I think you’re trying to tell me I’m a nice guy or something.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Even compliments seemed to bug him a little. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">When the end finally came, Joan posted the news to her Facebook friends:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">“My beloved husband and companion of nearly 38 years passed away in his sleep from ALS this morning at 6 a.m. He was the best friend anyone could have and I will miss him forever.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So will all his family and friends. Uncle Roger was a keeper.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 21px;"></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></div>
Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-53407880829361628322011-12-30T23:56:00.000-08:002012-11-20T14:37:51.952-08:00Glogg: Quite possibly, a life changer<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt;"> I’ve been drinking glogg, a very potent mulled wine made with equal parts of heated red wine and aquavit, spiced with raisins, cloves, cinnamon sticks, almonds, cardamom, fire and sugar, every Christmas as far back as I can remember. Just to make sure you’re not drinking pure rocket fuel, you light it on fire in a saucepan and pour the flaming brew over a strainer full of cubed sugar, back into the pot, until the sugar is gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 19px;"> This burns off some alcohol, but really, not much. This recipe came from my Mom’s side of the family. It may be the booziest recipe of glogg (there are many) ever invented by Swedes or other Scandinavians trying to warm up after freezing their asses off ice fishing, herding reindeer, or just being out in the freakin’ snow too long.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 19px;">My mom always fired up a batch every Christmas, because her mom always made it when she and my uncle Roger were growing up in Chicago. I’ve always associated it with delivering an always welcome pre-Christmas buzz (literally). In fact, glogg-centric parties have been my way of keeping these warm feelings alive with any friends brave enough to try it. To me, it’s really not Christmas without downing some glogg. The first sip offers a powerful vapor that snaps the head back. After that initial shock, the sips that follow go down smooth and easy. If anything can warm the cockles from the inside out, it’s this stuff.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 19px;">But it wasn’t until a Thanksgiving a few years ago that my uncle Roger (my mom’s younger brother who I hadn’t seen since college) told of the time when he was a teenager (in the 40s) in Chicago with his two buddies. It was Christmas season and he and his pals went over to his house where his mom was hosting a small party and serving glogg. She asked the boys if they wanted to try some of this heated up Swedish Christmas drink. Uncle Roger was very familiar with it and knew caution was called for. He and one of the friends said they’d have a little. The other friend announced he couldn’t have any because he didn’t drink alcohol. And besides, he was due later that night to deliver a sermon at his church.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 19px;">Now, I never met my grandmother, since she passed a year before I was born, but Uncle Roger hinted that she was a bit of a troublemaker. She ladled some of the raisins out of the saucepan of glogg and put them in a cup. Then she asked the young man if instead he’d like to try the raisins. Well sure, why not, he said, and started popping them down. Understand, raisins that have been drenched in glogg for a day or so, soak it up like a sponge. They lose their wrinkles and turn back into juicy grapes; and in this case, booze-infused grapes. This young fellow couldn’t get enough of the tasty glogg grapes. He downed several more supplied by my grandmother. After a time, Uncle Roger and the other friend suddenly realized they would have to drive this guy to his church sermon. He was too sloshed to get behind the wheel.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 19px;">Outside, it was freezing cold and snowing hard. They made it to the church, but the young sermon-giver was very late. He got out of the car and peered through the blowing snow up a long set of steps leading to the church. He struggled up them, vaguely seeing a figure at the top of the stairs. Whoever it was seemed to be extremely angry. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt;">As he finally made it to the top, he focused on the outline of his girlfriend, who screamed, “Where the blank have you <i>been</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt;">? Do you realize you’ve embarrassed me and the whole church is waiting for you? I’ve never been so <i>humiliated</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt;">!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 19px;">The staggering young man gathered himself at the top of the stairs and focused her face. “Oh yeah?” he snarled.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 19px;">He punched her in the nose. Her blood flowed onto the new-fallen snow. She wailed in pain and horror, causing a crowd to rush out of the church. This incident caused such an uproar that the young man was shunned by his church. His already-won scholarship to seminary school was revoked. He was made an example to deter others from such irresponsible, drunken, brutish acts.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 19px;">And to this day, it remains a mystery whether the above incident changed this young man’s life for better, or for worse. Only the glogg spirits know for sure. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="post-footer" style="background-color: #eee9dd; border-bottom-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: -2px; margin-right: -2px; margin-top: 20px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></div>
Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-20971185897338765152011-12-05T23:04:00.000-08:002012-11-20T14:38:32.486-08:00Bored Sons of Riches<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>Buns:</b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Ya know what pisses me off, Jimmer?</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>Jimmer:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> No idea, Buns. Throw me a bone. You’ve been waiting too long to get served at the bar? Hey, watch and learn: (To bartender) Hi, can I get a pint of the amber ale? Thanks.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>Buns:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> I’ll tell you what gets me. Rich kids. But not just any rich kids. I’m talking about the ones that grow up and kill people for power and fame.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>Jimmer:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Oh really? This been bothering you for a long time? What are you drinking? You need a shot? I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna have the meatball sandwich. Hey, what about dictators that came from poverty?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Aw, they’re just barbarians from day one. They don’t know anything else. The rich shits can take the high road. But they’re so spoiled, I mean really, they grow up bored, with everything taken care of and they want to have their own identity. They’re warped enough to try for fame by killing people for a cause.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> What have we here? A peasant with a petition? Who you talking about?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> You know, like bin Laden, or further back a few decades, Che Guevara.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> What about ‘em? Richie Riches that were sons of bitches? You gonna order anything, or what?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Pretty much rich bitches. I mean these guys were real assholes that knew better, but couldn’t resist stirring up shit to have a shot at martyrdom. As Snoop would say, theys mo’ ova bitch than a bitch. Both bin Laden and Che were rich kids. Both were self-appointed messiahs of underdog loser causes who used violence to get their points across. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Just to get famous?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Oh yeah! They loved cultivating the image of the rogue badass, leaders of the downtrodden. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Martyrs ‘R Them?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> So they got a following, and just to make sure everybody knew they were for real, knocked off their enemies with surprise high profile violence. They figured that would get them media attention and punch their ticket to fame and notoriety.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Well, it kinda did. You gonna order or what, Bitch Bitcherson?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Yeah. (to the bartender) I’ll have a pint of the stout and the pork sliders, please. (back to Jimmer) That’s why these guys were such bad news. If you’re rich and want to be famous, what’s so bad about doing something good with your money and influence?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Well that’s easy. Doing good stuff is just a yawner, man. It’s the bad stuff that gets media attention. Why, if I’m not mistaken, it’s a well traveled career path to fame. It’s infinitely more exciting than being a no-name rich guy who donates to battered women’s shelters.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> You like that beer?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Sure, not bad at all. Shoulda had a shot of Jameson’s first. But hey, what about other rich kids that rose to fame and power? Like Donald Trump. He didn’t go out and knock off enemies, he just bribed his way to his own prime-time TV show.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Yeah, but he’s a different strain of rich kid ego-freak. He doesn’t go out and kill enemies. He just bores em’ to death!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Yeah, lots of money, none taste, boorish, wants to be president. What’s that spell? Fuckhead. And what's with his hair? Looks like an elaborate squirrel's nest.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> He thinks it’s cool to be a bullying asshole. Like when he fires people. He loves to tell people they suck, then calmly shove in the knife with his patented soft-spoken, yet murderously cold, “You’re fired.” I bet he spent hours practicing his “you’re fireds” in front of the mirror.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Gotta admit, makes for great TV.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Maybe for one or two times. Not after that. He’s deluded. He has no idea everybody sees him for what he is: a pompous prick with bad hair. He’s a circus act. He should wear tights.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Still, at least he didn’t decide to actually kill people to become famous. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Yeah, but if by some disastrous turn of events he became president of the United States, don’t worry, he’d be itchin’ to send the troops somewhere to kick some ass.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> I can see that. Hey, check out that guy comin’ in in the Viking horns and animal skins. Now that’s a definite cry for help. Wanna split an order of sweet potato fries?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Yeah, I’m in.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> OK then, Mr. Bitch against the rich, how about Bill Gates? He grew up rich. He got famous and a lot richer building his company into a dominator. But he’s a stone cold nerd, man. Hey, lovin’ the lady bartender. Comin’ this way.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> (to bartender) Can I have an order of sweet potato fries? True, he didn’t kill anybody. But even with his high little balls-free voice, Big Bill was a boardroom badass. He built a billion dollar monopoly by buying or blowing out any companies in his way.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> But at least now he’s using some of his chump change to knock out malaria in Africa.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Yeah, got to admit, that’s a pretty high road way to get a tax write-off. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> So OK Big Boy, what about bin Laden? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> He was lost in the crowd of a shit-load of kids born to a Saudi royal. His family had a successful construction company. Filthy rich.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Must have been bored.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Totally, he wanted some action. He hated the American influence in the Middle East and he hated Israel. So he made them his personal enemies. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Must have hired an image-maker to show him how to be John Wayne in robes so he could stand up to America. Leak footage of his bad self, smiling and firing AK47s, serenely showing eager young recruits how to get their violence on.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> He wanted to become the biggest, baddest leader in the Middle East. So he kills thousands of Americans with sneak attacks and goes into hiding. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> What a brave man. Well, he could run, but in the end, he couldn’t hide.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> No, he could not. Thank you Navy Seals. You dudes did a fine service to humanity.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Did you see the video they found at his compound? OBL’s hunkered down under a blanket, watching his own TV clips. It looked real, but you never know… <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> All he ever wanted was media coverage, and in the end he got the ultimate coverage. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Yeah, his obit. So what about Che? You need another one?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> (Pointing to his empty glass, to bartender) Thanks. Che was a cocky upper class medical student from Buenos Aires. Remember? He wrote about his motorcycle trip through South America with a college buddy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Yeah, I saw the movie. Made him out to be a real swell man of the people.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> That was when he discovered he felt sorry for all the poor people he met on the trip. He blamed U.S. businesses for exploiting cheap labor in South America. But he really just felt guilty for being an elite rich kid on a continent filled with poor folks. It felt better to blame America.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> A budding Commie!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Yes! He eventually met up with Fidel Castro and decided he was the savior of the poor. With guns. He was sure the commie way would help the poor not be poor any more. And he’d be a famous hero with power in the bargain. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Wow. Bad call. He ditched his white coat, lit a cigar and put on the beret and army fatigues with Castro, right? Sure that they were liberating Cubans from an evil American influenced system.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Yeah. A story the press couldn’t resist. Guevara and Castro got global coverage as heroes of the Cuban people. But their rag-tag guerrilla army takeover of Cuba was way lucky. They killed off a ridiculous bozo army of the U.S.-backed dictator. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Overnight rock stars.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> All that sudden hero worship made Che extra bold. After taking Cuba, he thought it was somehow his job to free, or take over, the South American continent, country by country.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Yeah, piece of cake. Why not? Cuba went down no problem.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> So he invades Bolivia. But he finds out before too long that Bolivia isn’t Cuba. He was tracked, captured and shot there by a CIA guy who had been after him for years. End of story.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>J:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Oops. Bad planning.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b>B:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Yeah, but he got his wish. He became a folk hero, a souvenir seller’s dream for T-shirts and mugs with his photo showing his faraway gaze and cool beret. He was Hollywood ready. Most people in the U.S think he was cool, like Johnny Depp or something. That’s funny! He freakin’ <i>hated</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> the U.S.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">J:</span></b></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Yeah, and the Cubans didn’t get such a good deal from Castro. Good cigars, though. Hey, was Carrot Top a rich kid? We need another round over here…</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 25pt;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></span></div>
Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-83478145710682450312011-10-06T23:15:00.000-07:002012-11-20T14:39:12.999-08:00Andy Rooney: Bitchmaster<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> I remember the first time I saw Andy Rooney do his “Ya know what’s annoying? Well, I’ll tellya” show-ending segment on <i>60 Minutes</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">. It was many many moons ago, back when I regularly watched the show. Now I don’t watch it, and haven’t for more years than I can remember. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> But when I first saw Andy, I remember thinking, this old fart has a very rare job. He goes on prime-time network TV every week for a few minutes, and just yacks about what pisses him off. How did he get that job? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> He kept at it for several decades. He just recently retired from it at age 92. Wow. Now that’s longevity. But he was part of the successful programming formula of <i>60 Minutes</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">, the perfect sideshow to its gravely serious stories.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> “Why do they call it a flight of stairs?” he’d rant. “They don’t fly anywhere.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> His frustrated grumbling was funnier than whatever he couldn’t stand that week. He was old Crankypants, Old Daddy Bitchmaster, explainer of all needless pains in the ass. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Sometimes, though, I find myself channeling ol’ Andy Rooney. Andy’s pestered worldview surfaces in my mind as I’m suddenly composing one of my own prime-time peeves. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Why, just the other day, Andy’s high-pitched bitch-whine, gave voice to a pet gripe of mine, and before I knew it, I <i>was</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Andy Rooney, venting in his grand, fuck-all style. Andy dialogue suddenly spewed forth: <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i>The word “important” is one that pops up far too often. It’s annoying. But it bears review.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> As in book reviews.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> “Joe Pimpslap has written an important book,” a review will declare. Or, “JP is one of the most important authors of our time, offering rare insights into the plight of African skinks.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> But how does any reviewer really know if anything is important or not? They don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> The i-word is used so much in reviews that it has become a throwaway description. It’s almost as if reviewers know they’ll get paid more if they use it. <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> But reviewers don’t know what makes anything “important.” It’s not important just because they say it is. They’re not qualified to call anything universally important. Nobody is. What is important is up to the individual, not some opinionated bozo telling us what we should think is important.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> To some people, it’s important that they shower every day, so they don’t stink. To others it isn’t important at all. They like their own personal aura, even if the curled up noses of everybody around them is telling them something different. <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> But it seems there’s an unwritten agreement among reviewers that the highest compliment they can bestow upon a book and/or author is to call one or both important. <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> But if a book has been called important by Carrot Top, the reader must then make a decision. Could this book possibly be important enough to buy and read? If someone with no credibility calls a book important, how important could it be?<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> On the other hand, if Einstein says something is important, there’s an outside chance it just might be. But even then it’s a crapshoot.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Still, authors of works reviewed as important can’t help but think they have won well-deserved cultural status. They believe these throwaway compliments are actually fact. They then become self-important.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> But no, no, they’re really not.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> So I wonder, can somebody who is self-important actually be important?<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> We book review readers need a way to cut through the hype of importance. Here’s what I suggest: Every time we see the word “important” in a book review, we should cross it out and insert the word “unimportant” in its place.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Then we’ll be free from having to be told about “important” books, “important” authors, “important” issues, and blah blah blah.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Then we could read a self-edited review that says, for example, “This is an unimportant book by an unimportant author that reveals the hidden secretions of the morbidly obese.” <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Now that’s more like it. Let’s face it, most things aren’t so important. They’re mostly not so hot. Not so great. <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Now that’s accurate.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Whew! That feels better. Thanks Andy Rooney. You know how to bitch and what to bitch about, all in a professional setting. Aww heck. We’ll miss ya, ya lovable ol’ crotchety-assed crank! </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16pt;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 25pt;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></span></div>
Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-9594137887719275762011-09-16T23:32:00.000-07:002012-11-20T14:39:57.800-08:00A turd, a peanut and other mysteries<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> When something happens that makes no sense, it can take some hard thinking before the mystery gets figured out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> At the same time, it’s not so unusual when human or group action defies logic. In those cases, it’s a safe bet that bribery, kickbacks, and/or hush money are involved. “Follow the money,” often explains a lot. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> But other than unsolved crimes that keep even the best detectives scratching their heads, there are little mysteries that pop up in everyday life that at first, simply don’t add up. Even though they happened within the known physical laws of the universe. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> When we can’t explain something we’ve seen or heard, it makes us conjure up a parade of plausible explanations. We really want to know what happened because we’re curious. In that way, we’re like cats. Or monkeys.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> The small mysteries I’ve encountered involved a turd, an in-shell peanut, a scratching sound behind a bathroom wall, and a pilfered chocolate bar.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> One morning while backing my old Chevy out of the garage on the way to work, groggy and none to thrilled about the day ahead, I happened to notice a turd sitting in the center of the Chevy’s massive hood. The garage had been sealed up, with an automatic door and a locked side door. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> So I asked myself: How could a creature large enough to make the turd in question have gotten into the garage during the short time the garage door was opened and closed? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> There was no evidence anything living was in the garage. I filed that info away, and after careful removal of the turd, drove to work, still not convinced the turd scenario had actually happened. I thought somehow I might have dreamt it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> But because the turd on the hood wasn’t at the top of my list of worries that day, I soon forgot about it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> Then, several days after the turd’s appearance, I pulled the Chevy into the garage, only to hear a loud moan coming from the corner of the garage. It turned out to be Bubba, the neighbor’s big-ass gray and white cat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> Scared, hungry and thirsty, he was huddled in the front corner of the garage. He must have wandered into the garage when the garage door was open during the usual in and out time for the car. Once inside, he surely froze in terror upon hearing the racket of the car’s ignition followed by the ferocious whine, screech and rumble of the automatic garage door shutting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> So there was Bubba in the dark of the garage, no way out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I had come and gone twice a day for several days, opening the door, driving in, closing it, opening it, starting the car, driving out, closing it. Bubba didn’t want to risk a run for it during the few seconds when escape was possible. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> And at some point, he had to crap. For some reason, he decided to do so on the hood of the Chevy. Maybe he was mad at the Chevy, blaming it for keeping him hostage and scaring him. He must have been mad because cats have a landscaping gene. They like to cover up their poop with dirt or bark or leaves after they make a deposit, apparently in recognition of the unappealing look and smell of a freshly laid turd. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> This time Bubba apparently didn’t care about conforming with the feline relief protocol. In this case, he was OK with leaving one out for any and all to see. Maybe he was just keeping warm on the hood and figured since he couldn’t detect any cover-up dirt in the garage, the hood would do as well as anywhere else.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> But the days with no food and water took a toll on poor Bubba. And when I heard him moan, it was his surrender, his cry for help. I opened the side door and he ran out as if running from ghosts. We left a note with the neighbors that Bubba was alive and free, and put out some food and water for him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> It was only then that I realized Bubba’s owners had put up Lost Cat flyers all over the neighborhood with a photo of him on it. But somehow I’d never noticed them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> It gave me pause to think how much of a zombie I was doing my daily go-to-work routine. It seemed that only a catastrophic event like an earthquake, flood or something requiring emergency action could have shaken me out of my 9 to 5 stupor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> If I’d noticed the lost cat flyers in the first place, maybe I would have made the connection between hood turd and the likelihood Bubba was in the garage, long before his yowl clued me in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> It had taken awhile, but the mystery of the cat turd on the hot car hood was finally solved. With a deep breath, life went on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> Then one time I noticed a peanut sitting on the mat outside the door to the back yard. I pondered the peanut, because its presence didn’t make any sense. We never kept supplies of unshelled peanuts in the house. The back yard was closed off, so no person would have placed it there. Yet, there was this peanut in the middle of the mat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> I never officially solved the mystery of the peanut on the mat. But eventually I imagined a scenario that seemed the most plausible explanation. I figured it came from a bowl of peanuts put out by some homeowner wanting to feed the local birds and squirrels. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> I imagined a bird flew overhead with the peanut. It somehow slipped out of its beak and just happened to land in the center of the mat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> But wait. Why didn’t the bird fly back and retrieve the peanut, so it could crack the shell and eat the fabulously tasty nut? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> I pondered more. Then the light went on. The second part of this scenario featured a cat sitting in the backyard, since several neighbor cats came through occasionally. And the bird must have noticed the cat was too close to the peanut. Not wanting to be a snack itself, the bird opted against retrieving the peanut, and flew on. And because the peanut meant nothing to the cat, the cat moved on, leaving the nut where it had fallen -- in the middle of the mat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> Case closed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> And then there was the time I was in the bathroom and heard loud scratches coming from inside the wall above the bathtub. It sounded like someone with long fingernails was in the room, scratching the wall. It was definitely something alive, but I couldn’t think of anything living that could make that loud of a scratch from inside the wall. And nothing inanimate would make that sound. I puzzled. But the mystery soon faded from memory because I only remember it happening once or twice over a few years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> Then we remodeled the house. Walls were opened up, including the wall above the bathtub. Well looky here, in the open space between the tub’s outside wall and its basin, sat a cozy little possum’s nest. Aha! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> Possums were sometimes seen in the neighborhood. I saw our cat happen upon a possum once in the back yard. The cat realized confrontation was a bad idea. He made quick U-turn and beat a hasty retreat. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> That possum or one of his cousins was probably the keeper of the bathtub nest. The dexterous little long-nailed paws of a possum had no doubt made the scratching noise I’d heard on the wall. The contractor cleaned the nest out of the space and sealed it off with wire mesh. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> About this time another minor mystery cropped up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I saw, on the dining room table, an unopened dark chocolate bar. But upon closer scrutiny I discovered, all of the sweet, rich chocolate had been craftily pulled out without leaving a mark on the paper wrapper or inner foil. Someone or something had peeled the foil from the end of the wrapper and deftly slid the chocolate bar out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> Imagine my disappointment when I was ready to bite into some great dark chocolate, only to find an almost perfect wrapper enclosing not chocolate, but air. Who did such a sneaky, albeit crafty, underhanded deed?</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> My wife was not a suspect, because she wasn’t a dark chocolate fan. I would have been the prime suspect, but it surely wasn’t me. I wondered mightily. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> Again, about this time, in the middle of the remodel, I’m watching Monday Night Football, holed up in the bedroom, trying not to think of all the debt and construction all around, when I hear a loud scratching noise behind the dresser. I know immediately, something alive is under the dresser. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> I look over the end of the bed, only to see a nearly grown rat-tailed possum looking up bleary eyed, as if turning on the game had rudely awakened it from a deep sleep. He’d come into the house through a hole in the floor the builders had temporarily opened up near the kitchen so they could easily get under the house. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> For some reason I think I can lure the little fella out of the bedroom and out of the house with some shelled peanuts which, for some other inexplicable reason, I find after rooting around the kitchen. I reassure Elena, who is in the kitchen, not to panic, but there’s a live possum in our bedroom. She seems to handle the news better than I thought she would. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> Of course I prefaced it by saying about five times, “You’re not going to believe this, but…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> When she learns it’s only a live possum in the bedroom and not any other bad scenario racing through her mind, she is actually relieved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> I return to the bedroom armed with peanuts only to find the possum under the bed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> I think Mr. Possum, or Pete, as I later named him, will come out when he sees the peanuts I put on the floor. I figure he’ll be glad to follow a Little Red Riding Hood trail out of the house. He slowly ventures out and carefully takes the peanuts one by one in his little paws, and retreats. He patiently munches on them under the bed until finished. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> Then I try chocolate. He soon waddles out, takes a chunk of dark chocolate into his dexterous little paws, and ambles over to a corner of the room. He turns around and sits upright on his haunches, keeping a close eye on me as he feeds himself the chocolate. His jaws work fast. Pete loves dark chocolate as much as me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> And he seems to like this arrangement. He’s never been fed delicious foods. I soon realize he has no intention of going anywhere.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> So then I grab a broom and herd him out of the bedroom. He scoots out the door, down the hall, to the dining room. And even though the back door is wide open to help his exit, he opts to scamper down the nearby temporary hole in the floor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> So Pete may have lost his nest, but he got some parting gifts. Thinking back to the pilfered chocolate bar, and Pete’s sinewy little paws, I figured he must have made earlier visits into the house via the hole in the floor. He’d sniffed out the chocolate bar on the table. He extracted the chocolate by carefully peeling the foil off one end of the bar, then, pulling the bar out little by little so he could nibble at it until there was no bar left at all. The wrapper was left behind perfectly intact.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> No doubt that if the house hadn’t been made possum proof, Pete’d be back to make another nest, and to sniff for the great, sweet dark brown stuff he’d sampled. But first he needed to find another place to set up shop. And, if he was lucky, he just might again experience the bliss he would never forget in his possum life. The bliss of eating chocolate.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 25pt;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></span></div>
Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-10094126206643057792011-08-19T22:23:00.000-07:002012-11-20T14:40:47.165-08:00Conan: the better remake<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">News flash: <i>Conan the Barbarian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">, the remake of the 1982 film now in movie theaters, has been fairly well dismissed by critics, who give it on average a C-minus rating.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">San Francisco Chronicle movie critic Mick LaSalle, who rated it a “D,” writes “..this movie does everything wrong,” adding, “By the way, to criticize the acting in a movie like this is a little like blaming gravity on a guy who gets thrown out a window. The actors are victims, too.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I usually agree with LaSalle’s reviews, he’s not afraid to pin the tail on a crap movie. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">So, to me, this means this second stab at the first Conan movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as the big bad ass, is just prettied up junk. Still, the original, while bad in its own right, had enough in it to make a lot of people think it was kinda good.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Hollywood noticed this, and figured it was time to dust off the Conan of Arnie past and put a new face on it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Hollywood producers like to make remakes, because they think they’re a proven formula to score big at the box office. They figure if they introduce a recognized old title to a new generation, many people will go see it automatically. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">But if the first wave of takers and the critics rip it mercilessly, word spreads fast. And pretty soon, there’s no more audience draw, and what we have is a big Hollywood whiff at hitting a box office grand slam. Like an overpaid home run hitter, the movie is just a multi-million dollar strikeout heading back to the dugout.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">But in its haste to make remakes, Hollywood often forgets something important that will pull in big audiences: It has to give movie watchers what they want and expect. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Now that doesn’t necessarily mean a remake or any other feature film has to be the best movie ever made. It just means that it shouldn’t suck, pretty much. Maybe have a coherent story line, with compelling dialogue and good acting. Throw in some cool high-tech chase scenes, a little hot romance, a smattering of somewhat sanitized violence, and that’ll go far to reel in a good chunk of the movie going masses. You know this is true, Hollywood. Movie watchers are a fairly forgiving bunch. They really don’t ask for much. But give ‘em junk, and you lose your ass. Big time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Hollywood, you might want to use a little more imagination in your older movie remakes. Sure, keep the cool Conan brand. But why not make it into a franchise with a series of remakes that, rolled together, can’t help but generate enough money to buy South America?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">So Hollywood, here’s some free advice on future titles in the Conan genre, which, let’s face it, is really sagging now and will need a major lift when it’s time for that second remake. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">When that fated day comes, Hollywood, do yourself a favor. Get a new Conan. Find a lead actor who doesn’t have a tan body with rippling muscles from chest to toes and a square-jawed head the size of a cinderblock. You need a Conan who is a lovable, reasonably intelligent Neanderthal seeking self-knowledge. This is a no brainer: The new Conan should be Tommy Chong. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Hollywood, these new Conan sagas can be strung together as sequels made every six months or so. Kind of like a TV series, only at the movies. The opener could be when the new Conan, wanting to figure out the religion thing, trains to become a priest, a minister and a rabbi. This would be of course… <i>Conan the Seminarian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">That eye-popping premiere would lead to Conan’s next decision to toss all that preacher mumbo jumbo out the window and become part of a close-knit group of fanatics who believe that lifting weights gets men dates. This second in the series could be billed as… <i>Conan the Sectarian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Having no success with dating, Conan decides he's a rebel, and that boorish, obnoxious behavior will make him sexy. He revels in belching out the alphabet, cutting loud farts in public places, and seeing what life is like without using soap and water, in<i>...</i> <i>Conan the Vulgarian.</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Conan then decides he needs to know more about books. Then maybe he can read more, and gain the wisdom contained within their pages. See how he struggles to learn to read English, then goes to college where he acquires the needed certificate to manage a large inventory of books. After mastering the technique of sshhhhing people who are supposed to be quiet, he makes his dynamic new career move in… <i>Conan the Librarian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">After his stint at the Pacoima Public Library ends when a lack of funding shuts the place down, Conan hits the streets. He thinks hard and comes up with a life changing realization: Filmed true stories are the way to uncover bad things people do. They make the bad guys stop their blatant lawbreaking because of public embarrassment and FBI investigations. Thus a new twist is unveiled in our hero’s truth seeking in… <i>Conan the Documentarian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Still spiritually adrift, Conan furls his brow and does more contemplating, and it comes to him: Systematic repression of lustful desires, stuffiness and pompous conservatism just might be his cup of tea after all. Watch him try it on for size in… <i>Conan the Victorian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">But all that repression and hot, tight clothing leads Conan to major frustrations and a nasty temper. He decides to blow off some steam with a trip to Jamaica. There he discovers the liberating effects of smoking many spliffs a day while listening to reggae music. He grows dreadlocks and enjoys a new appreciation for island life in… <i>Conan the Rastafarian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Still vaguely dispirited, our hero wants a philosophy that doesn’t morph his brain cells into bean dip. He is suddenly enamored with a new idea: Always do the opposite of what he used to do in the same situation. See what fireworks explode when opposite actions raise eyebrows everywhere in… <i>Conan the Contrarian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">In the next movie, Conan discovers that not following rules reaps more rewards than most people realize. He crusades against paying any taxes and speaks out in favor of the heady notion of free will. This compelling rendition of institutionalized rebel-making is jaw dropping in… <i>Conan the Libertarian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Then, after finding Libertarians can be marginalized in the political arena, Conan decides to pursue a grass roots effort to convince others that even Libertarians can be civic minded. Everybody is stunned at a series of wacky attention-getting stunts he pulls in… <i>Conan the Rotarian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Part of his spiritual journey to enlightenment is Conan’s new appreciation for growing crops. He discovers fruits, nuts and vegetables taste really good without using pesticides to poison predatory bugs and grow bigger plants. He becomes a leader among Earth First farmers in this environmental thriller… <i>Conan the Agrarian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Our hero becomes even more involved in the movement toward healthy eating, even fanatical about it, deciding to eat only things growing out of the earth and nothing that ever had a pulse. This new conviction incurs the wrath of a band of rabid carnivores holding shields and wielding swords. The toughs confront Conan and threaten to make him eat a bacon cheeseburger cooked blood rare. See what happens in the digitally enhanced showdown of showdowns in… <i>Conan the Vegetarian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Eating lots of plants gets our contemplative hero to thinking about the life-giving qualities of water. He dreams of how great it would be to live in a van down by the river. Instead, he buys a used pickup with an ill-fitting camper on it and parks it close to his latest inspiration, a moving body of water called the Big Muddy. Lying in his cramped camper bunk, he finds an inner calm as he gazes out the window to see an ever-changing liquid brown surface. In this episode he’s found a metaphor for life that actually seems to make a little bit of sense in… <i>Conan the Riparian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The years go by and suddenly Conan discovers to his dismay that he’s an elderly Baby Boomer. But all his life he’s worked out, eaten healthy food, and taken his vitamins. He’s not morbidly obese. He doesn’t need diapers. He’s disease free. He’s a nonsmoking spelling bee champion in his age group, and has the chiseled physique of a much younger man without a tan. So he makes a statement about all this. He leads an impassioned crusade, chanting, “The 70s Are,” (bang-bang) “The New 40s,” (bang-bang) “The 70s Are,” (bang-bang) “The New 40s,” (bang-bang).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">He catches the imaginations of like-minded Boomers across America and leads a million oldsters in a march on Washington in… <i>Conan the Septuagenarian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">More years go by and Conan still feels as frisky as an untrainable, hee-honking jackass. Conan determines not to be shackled by age and starts another national campaign. This one is powered by his updated slogan, this time splashed across T-shirts: “The 80s are the new 50s/ so don’t call me Gramps/Granny, or I’ll kick YOU in the shins” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">This time he figures he needs to show examples of his vitality. He ice dances. He ski jumps. He boxes a kangaroo. See what else he does in… <i>Conan the Octogenarian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">And in the final story of Conan’s epic life as told in this unprecedented series of movies, he’s in his 90s. But he’s not shy about his regular growling appreciation of the fairer sex. See what creativity he has as a saucy old goat on the prowl in… <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Conan the Viagrarian… the manliest old man pharmaceuticals ever produced…<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">C’mon, Hollywood, give it a shot.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-21896458837364408402011-07-28T23:41:00.000-07:002012-11-20T14:41:30.764-08:00A Twilight Zone kind of heat<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">It wasn’t until I lived in the Southern California desert of the Coachella Valley during the summer that I experienced first hand what it was like to deal with ridiculously hot weather. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">People from the Midwest, the Eastern Seaboard and the Deep South always pooh-pooh high temperatures in the West. They say, “But it’s a <i>dry</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> heat.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">As if low humidity heat is somehow cooler than humid heat. Well, maybe that’s true, I don’t know. I’ve been in both types of heat. I spent a couple of steamy summers in New England, and I can testify, they’re no treat. But whether it’s wet heat, or dry heat, they both suck if you ask me. To me, too hot is too hot, any way you slice it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Long ago as a young reporter in Palm Springs when I first experienced the peak heat of a low desert summer, I noticed a few things I hadn’t seen before. People put towels over the steering wheels of their cars. They had to, or driving was out of the question, the steering wheels were too hot to handle. Just opening the door to get in a sun-baked car was a challenge without burning your hands.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">It was about this time that I noticed upon walking out of a refrigerator like, overly air-conditioned office, and into stifling heat outside, that my room temperature eyeballs immediately sensed the oven-hot air. It was as if my eyeballs were an early warning system telling me that I should turn around and go back to where it was cool.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Palm Springs’ high heat outside and the extra cool inside most of its buildings made for an odd man-made mixture of temperature extremes. If someone were to repeatedly cross between indoors and outdoors throughout the day, their bodies would surely retreat into convulsions and their brains would short circuit into useless mush. It must have happened on occasion, since I noticed everybody pretty much stayed indoors when the sun outside was broiling everything into one large mirage.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Native Americans were the first to settle in the desert of Palm Springs. These natives understood the simple fact that during the summer, the desert floor of what would become known as the Coachella Valley, was just too hot for comfortable living. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">These people didn’t have electricity to power yet-to-be-invented air conditioners, or anything else for that matter. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">But they did know one thing. If they hiked up into the higher altitudes of nearby canyons where there were cool water springs, palm trees and cooler air, summer was a pleasant experience. So that’s what they did. It made perfect sense.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Then white men came and settled the valley, and decided that, by golly, even if it was ungodly hot in the summer, why they were just going to stay and tough it out. After all, it was only for a few months, and then the weather was great the rest of the year.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">These first white settlers didn’t have electricity either. But they had swamp coolers that helped humidify and theoretically cool their living areas. If these had been reasonable people in tune with nature, they would have left in the summer like the local natives did. They must have been desperate, out of money, running from the law, gluttons for punishment or all of the above to decide to stay put for the desert summer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">But then technology marched on, in came air conditioning and the year round population of the valley grew. And before long just about every indoor space in the valley was cooled with electricity-sucking air conditioning units.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">After getting my job at the local newspaper, I found a small apartment near downtown Palm Springs. I’d come from living near the ocean in San Diego, so desert living was new to me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">One very hot Sunday morning in early summer I had nothing to do. It was already viciously hot outside, so hot that one colleague described it as “nuclear torque.” Other local desert heat descriptors I'd heard included Hellmouth and Parallel Hell.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">So I figured I’d stroll downtown and watch a movie where the air conditioning was sure to be better than the lame little wall mounted metal box in my apartment. The thing rattled and droned as it impersonated an air conditioner and only slightly cooled the air within five feet of it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I walked out my door and was immediately hit in the face with the merciless heat of a blast furnace. As I started to walk, I realized something. Even though the sun was high on this Sunday and it was close to noon, there were no cars driving around to speak of, and no people could be seen anywhere. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">But there was an eerie duet of sound wafting in the hot, still air. It was a combination of whirring cicadas trying to cool themselves, and the hum of myriad air conditioning units on at full throttle in every apartment, store or office building in the area. The abandoned streets in full daylight of staggering heat made it seem like there had been a nuclear blast that eliminated all life. For all I knew I was the only survivor of a post apocalyptic world.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Suddenly I imagine Rod Serling walking toward me on the sidewalk, looking cool as a cucumber in the hot sun, wearing a black suit and tie, and shiny black dress shoes. His hair is black, his face oddly pale. His bushy black eyebrows furl as he speaks to me in his inimitable clipped speech. It was a narrative style all his own. Hard as Jack Webb tried, he could never master Serling’s riveting delivery when Webb starred in and narrated Dragnet, that lovable, stupid old TV cop show, in which he played the wooden Sgt. Joe Friday. I quickly refocus on Serling, who begins a mellifluous monologue:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> “You unlock this door with the key of imagination,” he says. His tone is serious, edgy. He speaks with absolute conviction. “Beyond it is another dimension,” he continues. “A dimension of sound. A dimension of sight. A dimension of mind.” Serling, it is clear, is a messenger.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">“Hi Rod,” I say, waving, hoping he’s up for Raiders of the Lost Arc in the dark cool confines of the downtown movie theater. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I don’t think he hears me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">“You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance,” he says. “Of things and ideas. You just crossed over into…The Twilight Zone.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Serling then disappears in a blink. I pick up the pace of my stride along the abandoned, sun-scorched sidewalks of Palm Canyon Drive. I finally make it to the theatre. I’m thirsty and soaked through with sweat. I find a seat in the half empty, refrigerated, popcorn-infused air of the darkened theater. My wet clothes soon turn clammy and cold as the movie starts. I’m still in…the twilight zone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I learned a few things from living in that desert during the summer. I didn’t learn them from Rod Serling, but from trial and error. I learned that trying to sleep with poor air conditioning is an exercise in suffering. I learned it meant lying awake, uncomfortable, amid hot air that yielded sweat-dampened sheets and glistening heat at the base of my neck. I learned that electric fans could move the hot air of a room around, but they never managed to make it any cooler.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I eventually moved out of the desert and to California’s Central Valley. I bought a house there. The summers, while not offering as many mega-hot days as the desert, would typically feature about 10 days of triple-digit, stifling weather. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The house I bought was a no-frills, 1,000 square foot post-World War II stucco rectangle with a fireplace and detached garage. It had no insulation in its walls and the old double-hung windows let in plenty of air and sound from outside. Not only did this house not have any insulation, it had no air conditioning whatsoever. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">So what we found out upon spending what turned out to be 12 consecutive summers in this house without air conditioning, was that on hot days, it managed to make the air inside even hotter than the air outside.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">With its stucco shell, the house on hot days became an oven, or an externally heated pottery kiln, soaking in all the outside heat and efficiently radiating it inward into its rooms. Sleeping required wet dishrags on the forehead and a couple of electric fans at full blast.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Just like in the desert, we spent hot weekend days in the air conditioning of a movie theater or a mall.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">If we didn’t get out of the house in the heat, we would slow cook like pork butts in a covered barbecue. Within a few hours we became motionless, knocked out. Like fully barbecued meat, a fork could be stuck in us, and it would indicate that we were done.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Eventually we improved the house with air conditioning and new windows. And when I look back at all those years without AC, I can hardly believe that at some point we weren’t found face down in the house, dead of heat stroke.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Once a friend had a backyard birthday party on one of the hottest days in memory for the area, probably around 110. I was tired of making small talk and sweating in the insufferable heat. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I saw a big tub of ice water cooling cans of beer. So I did what I needed to do. I stepped into the cold water with both bare feet and stood in the tub's icy water. And it did the trick. I may have looked idiotic standing in the tub of ice water meant for beer. But I didn’t care. I cooled off. I beat the heat, more than happy that I found a way to do it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> It’s important to beat the heat when it’s just too hot outside. Yes, I know, air conditioning is bad for the environment, blah blah blah. But I like that it can beat the heat. And every time it’s mercilessly hot outside, and there’s somewhere to go with good air conditioning, I’m going there. Every time. Too much heat is bad for us. It dehydrates us. It keeps us from sleeping well. It scrambles our brains. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Just listen to what Rod Serling says next time you’re suffering in a heat wave and you see him. And there’s nobody around anywhere. He’ll tell you what’s going on.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 25pt;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></span></div>
Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-79925947109312964612011-06-30T17:41:00.000-07:002012-11-20T14:43:02.141-08:00Camping? Uh....no<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">When I was a kid, I was like most kids. The idea of camping sounded exotic and full of adventure. The smell of the pines, the campfire smoke, the sleeping outside, it was guaranteed fun. I wanted to experience the cattle drive camping I’d read about, seen in movies and TV shows. I wanted to hear the cows mooing on the cattle drive. At the end of the hot, dusty trail, I wanted to get some grub from Cookie then sit by the fire and chow down on sloppy good stew and biscuits served on tin plates. I wanted to slurp coffee from a tin cup. Those movie cowboys carried their bedrolls tied up behind their saddles. But you never got a feel for how it might be sleeping on hard dirt night after night in a couple of smelly rolled up blankets. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> The first big camping experience I remember was when I was 8 or 9. It was a backpack hike into the glacier smoothed granite outcroppings, wind-bent pines and scrub brush of Desolation Valley, in the Sierra Nevada mountains southwest of Lake Tahoe. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> I was with my parents and Uncle Roger. We climbed a rocky trail most of the day and finally made it to a glacier lake and set up camp. There weren’t any other people around the small lake, which sat below two converging, tall ridges. Thin stands of pines were near the shore. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> It was quiet up there where we camped, a peaceful experience of being in the middle of nature, away from people and the constant hum of civilization. Light breezes filled our senses with the bracing fragrance of pine trees. The earth was pungent with moss and lichen-clad granite near the ice cold and clear water’s edge. The trees offered carpets of dead brown pine needles. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> The long hike and cool, thin air made us hungry. We ate well and only a couple hours after dark, crawled into our bags to enjoy dreamless, deep sleep. When dawn came, the site remained still and quiet. Icy cold air slowed our progress in getting out of our bags to build a fire and make breakfast.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> A few years later when I was a young teen I worked on a summer resort on Lake Tahoe’s west shore that had a campground, beach and marina. It was only a few miles as the crow flies from Desolation Valley. This resort campground was like many others along the shores of Lake Tahoe: It had showers and bathrooms and garbage dumpsters.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> I worked on the resort’s maintenance crew, and one of my jobs included keeping the campground showers and toilets in running order. My partner on jobs was Cory, a chipper old retired fireman with a big belly and red bulbous nose rivaling those of WC Fields or Karl Malden. Like WC Fields, Cory was a fan of alcohol. He liked to laugh, but was nowhere near the comedic barb-master Fields was. But like Fields, Cory tended to grumble about the things in life that pissed him off. Like his adult son. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> “Thinks the world owes him a livin’,” he’d mutter. Cory did brighten at female resort goers walking around in bikinis. “Look at that bellybutton sandwich!” he’d chortle. “Ann (his wife) always says ‘Look, but don’t touch!’”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> One time we entered the women’s campground restroom to fix a flooded toilet. It had a trout’s head in its tank, and maliciously bent flushing hardware. That was my first look at what women write on public bathroom walls in campgrounds. Or at least the female composed graffiti at </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">that</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> campground. To my surprise, the messages were much nastier than anything I’d read in any men’s public restroom. By a long shot. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> While working at the resort, I never understood how people could be happy setting up their campsite next to a dumpster or the restrooms. When the campground was full, which was all the time, people just dealt with having their campsite in those less than ideal locations, maybe stringing up a tarp to give separation. Yes, there were pine trees dotting the campground, but to me, this wasn’t real camping. It was more like a tent city, with campsites set up side by side like a mobile home park. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> I figured the whole idea of these organized campgrounds was to bring civilization to a well trampled version of the wilds. This approach seems to do the trick for the countless people who stay at campgrounds. And some are much better than others. They’re near or are in the middle of wilderness. Some of these are off of remote roads deep in the woods, and are too far off the beaten path to draw crowds. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> But the high-traffic campgrounds work well for those who don’t want to give up too many amenities while being in a less threatening version of the wilds. They figure being near any live pine trees makes for a perfectly fine alpine experience. Even if the trees have been peed upon by a million dogs. Even if the bathrooms are hygiene free, the showers don’t have hot water, and the dumpsters bring furry flies and stench to the campground experience. That’s their version of roughing it, and they’re good with it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Many of these campers pack not only camping gear, but many of the comforts of home. They haul and unload mountains of gear: tents, air mattresses, sleeping bags, elaborate cookstoves, mosquito nets, pots, pans, plates, silverware, tables, lawn chairs, beach chairs, lanterns, radios and even TVs. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> I always wondered, if comfort is the big goal, why leave home at all? Just pitch a tent in the back yard if you yearn to sleep outside under the stars. Think of all the hassle saved by not having to load, unload and set up tons of gear. You might not be close to a beach or a lake if you camp in the back yard, but then it’s not likely you’ll smell a dumpster with rotting fish heads in it or the ripe aura of public toilets wafting into your dirt-caked nostrils. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Through my college years, camping became less and less of a good idea to me. Camping during those years with minimal gear, as in a single sleeping bag, I realized a few things. Such as, sleeping on the hard ground really sucks. And having to get out of a warm sleeping bag in the freezing air to go pee isn’t so great. You’re lying there in the pre-dawn frigid air, your face, or maybe just your nose, is the only part of you that’s sampling how very cold the air outside is. Otherwise you’re toasty warm. But there’s one problem. You’ve gotta pee really bad. You know getting up out of your warm bag, you’re gonna freeze your ass off as you make a beeline to wherever you’re going to pee. So you think about waiting til it warms up. But, no, you really gotta go. So you get up and bear the cold. It’s worth it for the relief, but still, you never forget how you shivered all the way. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> And getting dirty from head to toe from moving around in the dirt and dust of most campsites, isn’t fun at all. Having a stiff neck and achy back from sleeping on an unforgiving, hard surface isn’t so great. Making freeze dried food with boiled water is overrated, no matter how great the pictures on the packaging make it look. So camping to me became a first hand experience of being a prairie pioneer of yore, sleeping under the stars after days on end of getting rudely jolted while riding in your Conestoga Wagon across an endless prairie. At the end of the day, you were filthy dirty, starving, with a sore ass and a wrenched back.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Back in those days, or now, camping is just an exercise in discomfort and inconvenience. It’s messy. Dirt becomes something you wear. Unless the camp is stocked with gourmet fare, the food is usually carb-heavy and produces enough smelly ass gas to fumigate a circus tent. Still, if booze is included in the camp supplies, which it usually is, even bad camp food is tolerable. I’ve learned that the intake of booze helps smooth over a lot of the annoying rough spots of camping. And I’d venture to guess that for some campers, getting shit-faced is the most feverishly anticipated part of camping. So that’s what they do. This is why at campgrounds, one often hears cackling laughter and occasional whoops of “Yeeeee-Haah!” into the late night hours.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> A few years ago my old college roommate suggested we camp out and snorkel on the northern end of Santa Catalina Island. This sparsely populated island made famous in song many many years ago by the Four Preps is a mountainous north/south stretch of jagged cliffs, rocky deserts, and pockets of lush grasslands. It juts out of the Pacific Ocean 26 miles offshore of Southern California. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> This trip meant camping at a campground I’d stayed at a couple of times several years earlier. It had a waterfront view, and a nearby general store and restrooms, so it wasn’t exactly roughing it. At that point, I had no desire to rough it in any way, so I said I’d go. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Several years earlier on a hiking trip across the island, I camped in its barren interior on an exposed high desert-like plateau. The site offered a westward view down a wide canyon on one side. An eastward gaze was rewarded with a big view down a steep grassy slope that dropped to a panorama of the deep blue Pacific below. While that had been more the pure camping experience in the wild, the night spent there on hard ground in the company of many sharp little rocks had been a little unnerving. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Catalina at the time had wild buffalo wandering around the island, grazing wherever they wanted. It was pre-dawn when I heard heavy hooves thumping the hard earth nearby. I sensed something very big, something that was breathing, was very close. I looked up and saw a buffalo sniffing around, its massive furry brown head lowered. Looking up at it from the ground, this animal seemed twice as big as it really was. Which was still pretty damn big. I was happy to see this buffalo wasn’t riled up, just mildly curious. If he was annoyed he could have easily stomped and butted the crap out of me. But to my relief, he lost interest and meandered off.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> That was my second camping encounter with sniff-happy wildlife investigating campground scents. A year or so earlier I was in the wilds of Northern Arizona with two buddies on a camping and fishing trip. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> I slept near our burned out campfire ring only to be awakened in the dim pre-dawn light by a clinking sound and the incredible, unmistakable stench of a skunk. The other two guys were sleeping in a tent a few yards away and were oblivious. I looked up to see Pepe Le Pew sniffing some empty cans about 25 feet away. He seriously reeked like he’d already sprayed his calling card somewhere close. He waddled directly toward me in my sleeping bag, sniffing the ground, tail up. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> I’d heard that if a skunk sprays you, the only thing to do is bury whatever clothes get hit. So while this skunk is nosing his way toward me, my first thought is, just don’t scare him. My heart thumps harder as I wonder when he's finally going to look up to see me sitting up in my sleeping bag looking at him. He finally sees me, and quickly scampers off. Oh, what a relief that was.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> On another trip, curious wild animals weren’t a problem. Some college buddies and I hiked to the bottom of the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. There was a campground up a way from the river, but we broke the rules and set up our own site on flat rocks and sand right on the Colorado River. The sound of the flowing water, the bracing cool air, and the star-lit sky dome above the canyon walls on each side made for the best camping experience I’ve ever had. Other than my buddies, it was people-free. It was like the universe saying, “You want to camp? </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">This</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> is camping.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Taking the shuttle boat out to Catalina, my buddy generously provided all the gear we’d need: Two one-man tents, a huge cooler stocked with steaks and beer and full bar, a gas cook stove, food, plates and cups, folding chairs. Once we got to Two Harbors we went to our site perched above an inlet’s calm waters. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> But this is a high traffic campsite. It and every other site in the campground has been camped on thousands of times. A large group was camping adjacent to us, with a monster tent and enough gear to make it look like a small circus. There was straw where I first started to set up my tent. I quickly discovered it covered up some fresh shit a cat likely deposited there and disguised under a veil of straw. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> The smell was overwhelming, and I immediately wondered why I agreed to camp here again. I also wondered how many people and/or animals had shit or pissed on or around this site over the years. If I knew that stat, I probably would have taken my sleeping bag and hiked into the backcountry to camp, welcoming any and all buffalo that might wander by to say hi.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> After the shit was cleared away, I found a level spot on hard packed ground where no shit could be deposited and got my tent set up. After we ate and drank a bit to take the edge off, it was time to retire to the tents. I got in my tent only to discover two things: The pad for my sleeping bag didn’t really keep the hard ground from feeling like a long sharp rock under me. And the air in the stinky little tent was ridiculously hot and still, making it easy to sweat, but well nigh impossible to snooze comfortably. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> The only thing to do was lie still in the stifling heat, in hopes of falling asleep. I woke in the night to a flashlight beam’s silhouette of a stray cat strolling through the campsite, a creepy, distorted Halloween-like view through the tent material that made me wonder once again, why I had agreed to this trip. The cat was probably looking for snacks and some nice straw to decorate.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> The next morning, a little bit hung-over, I walked over to the camp’s men’s restroom. Some of the toilets were backed up, making for a noxious stench as unshaven, dirty men campers waited in line to shave, shower, or take a shit or a piss. This activity took place in stalls that made a tipped over, overflowing Port-a-Potty in the hot sun smell like a whiff of spring flowers. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Once I finally got out of that noxious cauldron of human waste -- after a long period of holding my nose and trying not to vomit -- I wondered if I hadn’t contracted some sort of deadly infectious disease. You know, something that might cause bone rattling phlegm-rich coughing jags or patches of skin to boil up into pizza-like pus craters.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Upon surviving that camping trip without getting any symptoms of the Black Plague, I decided I was done with camping. And looking back, I think it was the right decision. Especially after hearing the story of a co-worker who went on a camping trip in Oregon on her honeymoon with her new groom and their dog. They were in the tent ready to go to sleep when the dog, a basset hound, started shaking in mortal fear. They didn’t know why until they flicked on their flashlight to survey the darkness outside. Oops, they saw the eyes and outline of a mountain lion about 20 yards from the tent. Terrified, they didn’t know what to do. They couldn’t sleep. They ended up waiting out their hostage situation until first light, when they burst out of their tent, tore it down, grabbed what they could, and ran back down the trail with the dog, hearts pounding. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> They made it. But it’s a good bet they don’t like camping in the wild so much anymore.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> And a woman friend told me of camping with her boyfriend in a tent somewhere in the wilderness when they heard a bear going through their campsite. The boyfriend decided he knew what </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">he’d</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> do, he’d scare the bear away by banging some pots and pans together. Surely that would scare the obnoxious Mr. Bear away.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: large;">Well, no. The bear reared up on its hind legs at the offending sound and let out a murderous roar. This caused the boyfriend to beat a hasty retreat back into the tent, happy to wait for the not so compliant bear to go away.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> I figure the pioneers that made their way across the prairies of this country in search of a place to settle down, really didn’t have a way out of their myriad discomforts. They </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">had</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> to suffer through the inconveniences of camping out night after night with only the barest of essentials. They didn’t have bug spray, hot showers, clean comfortable beds, and kitchenettes while on their overnights. No, they had to rough it, recovering from their bone jarring days sitting in or on their Conestoga Wagons. They had no choice but to deal with clouds of horseflies and mosquitoes, and relentless methane generating, air befouling daily menu specials -- like pork and beans – every night. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> But then came modern times with all the comforts we can enjoy while traveling and staying overnight at places away from home. So we can choose to rough it by going camping, trying to bring as many creature comforts from civilization as our cars, trucks and/or trailers can haul. Or we can choose not to.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> I choose the latter. No, getting filthy dirty, spending the night in stinky hot tents, getting a stiff neck, wrenched back or both, freezing, trying to keep cool in oppressive heat, eating freeze-dried food, taking cold showers in public filth infested stalls, holding back a furious need to pee, taking shits in campground public toilets that emit mutant stink, just doesn’t work for me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> I like to hike, and bike and kayak, but I now make sure I go on day excursions only. Instead of camping, I plan for my outdoor forays into nature to end in our modern, amenities-rich world. Call me crazy, but after a strenuous, satisfying hike, bike ride, or kayak trip, I’ll drive home, to a friend’s place or a local motel so I can enjoy a hot shower, good food, and a firm bed with clean sheets and blankets. It means a roof overhead, not smelly canvas or nylon. The bed will likely be just as comfortable as any cushioned sleeping bag. And even if it’s Bob and Stella’s Free Cable Motor Lodge and it has a dirty carpet with airborne scents you figure are a mélange of mold and bleach, that’s OK. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> At least a great night’s sleep is a good bet even at a cheap motel, provided the walls aren’t too thin. There, with the creepy artwork of sad-eyed puppies on the far wall dimly lit by the old TV casting an orange-ish hue over other colors the ancient set fails to produce, you don’t mind. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Pleasantly tired from your day in nature, you don’t mind watching the local weatherman with the blinking tie and hairpiece give his goofy maniac forecast. You’re showered, fed and comfortable on the bed. Tonight, you won’t have any chance encounters with feral cats, skunks, buffalo, mountain lions or bears wanting to see what’s new for snacks. You won’t sweat, you won't freeze. No, you’ll sleep like a baby.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> So if you decide to just say no to camping, you won’t be sorry. Roughing it can be fun. But too much roughing it, at some point, needs to be left to our hardy ancestors who never knew the joys of hot and cold running water, heating and air conditioning, and toilets that magically flush the stink away.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Camping? Uh…no. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">This essay is dedicated to Roger Franzen, my uncle, who brought joy and magic to my childhood.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 25.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></span></div>
Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-24836735419770758082011-06-17T16:22:00.000-07:002012-11-20T14:43:48.740-08:00Keeping the shit away from the fan<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Citizen One: </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Don’t worry about all the rain and the chance that there’s going to be a big flood. Relax. It’ll be fine.</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Citizen Two: </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I can’t, I worry. I don’t think they’re letting enough water out through the dam.</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Citizen One: </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Don’t worry. Cross that bridge when you come to it.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Citizen Two: </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">What if the water overload spills over the dam and helps the river blow out the bridges and levees? Then what?<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Citizen One: </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Start filling sandbags. Fast.</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> When trouble is brewing it would be great if we could hear a booming voice from the sky repeating what that TV mechanic used to say in some long bygone commercial advising regular oil changes: “You can pay me now, or pay me later.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> We tend to pay later, and if we aren’t lucky, we then have to pay the highest price. We do it all the time. Pay the big price. We never learn that with a little foresight, we don’t have to. But it’s pretty plain to see our preferred comfortable position is to keep our heads firmly planted in the sand. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Many years ago I had a washing machine that screeched increasingly louder as it seemed to be throwing grease onto clothes it was supposed to be washing. We ignored it and kept using it, not wanting to pay for repairs or possibly a new washer. Both of those scenarios meant spending money that was already tight. Ignoring the screeching worked best for us. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Then one day while in the back yard I could hear the washing machine wailing in what seemed to be an otherworldly desperate pleading from an ailing machine, as if it were being slowly and painfully drained of life, and wanted some relief. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Only then did I realize, wow, that thing is really messed up. Better get it fixed. Through good fortune I found out it would be under warranty for another week or so, and its repairs were done for free. We could have done this when the machine first started screeching, but…. we didn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Another time from the days of yore, the brakes on my car were getting increasingly bad. I’d pump the pedal to get a little more pressure, and it seemed to work every time. But because of that, I never made a mental note that I needed to fix the brakes. But one early morning, the brakes failed to stop me. I coasted into an intersection, right through a red light, while madly pumping the brake pedal. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Luckily, it was so early in the morning, there were no other cars, and nothing happened. But I realized then I could have been in big trouble if there had been cars crossing through. Only then, after what could have been a major crash, did I go get the brakes fixed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Once, while an ex was being unfaithful, I vaguely knew something was amiss, but chose to ignore what were very clear signs. Upon an eventual confrontation, it all blew up and we went our separate ways. Even though the signs were visible for several months, on some level I decided to ignore them. As if ignoring them meant they couldn’t mean anything.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> This denial, conscious or not, happens repeatedly in the human experience, from the microcosm of individuals and their daily interactions, to whole countries confronted with problems that cause death, injury, property loss, widespread financial disasters, or other chaotic events.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> So while we in the United States may have sensed the economy was running too hot in 2008, and home loans were being handed out for practically nothing, most of us preferred to look instead at the bright side. We were happy with money being made all around in the booming economy. How could we worry about a slump? We didn’t want to go there. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> The sub-prime home mortgage debacle, which was clearly evident as a growing problem for months, wasn’t faced front and center until it came to the brink of toppling the U.S. economy. Only panic economic stabilizing measures by the government averted a total meltdown. But the problem still lingers with a crippling, longstanding double dip-recession that has the economy staggering like a punch-drunk fighter.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Terrorist activities against us were on the rise prior to 9-11, and the general feeling coming from somewhere was that we should be ready for a big attack that could happen any day somewhere. We didn’t know when, or what it would be. So what could we do? Worry? No, we just went on with our lives and hoped for the best. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Then 9-11 happened. And, once again, after disaster struck hard, the government acknowledged the problem: Its intelligence system failed. And for the country’s future health, it needed to be fixed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> A few decades ago, governments all over the globe realized all the available landfills were just about filled up with trash. So only then, after years of evidence that it was a problem that wouldn’t be going away until it was dealt with, came the panicky realization that this problem suddenly </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">had</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> to be solved for a simple reason: There was no place to put future trash. The answer came with big recycling programs to divert the massive inefficient waste flows, and globally, cultures tuned in to the necessity and common sense of recycling.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Regulators in the U.S. didn’t enforce safety rules for offshore oil rigs, or natural gas pipelines. Then, lo and behold, the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico happened from a poorly maintained rig. And a neighborhood in San Bruno, California blew up because an old pipeline that should have been repaired or replaced, leaked gas. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Only after the mayhem of these disasters causing death, destruction and ecological ruin were moves made to prevent more of this stuff happening in the future. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> But not before, when the disasters would likely have been averted. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> In all of these cases, follow-up investigations show that signs of a potential disaster were clear for anybody to see if they’d bothered to look. Then come the cliché conclusions that “mistakes were made” and corrective actions are pursued.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Still, we know that to take the needed corrective measures to turn away or minimize the mayhem of a disaster, it is inconvenient, costly and time consuming. And many times, the unwillingness or inability to pay the price for preventive measures is the sticking point. If prevention costs eat into profits, which they inevitably will, those actions are easy to ignore.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Now an energy crisis looms for the United States bigger than any it has so far experienced. Not enough future oil supplies are lined up, and competition for energy of all kinds has become hot and heavy from China, the emerging giant of the East. Like it or not, we will continue to be oil dependent until the gasoline engine is no longer driving cars. That doesn’t look to be changing any time soon, as gasoline powered cars are continuing to be built and bought </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: large;">globally.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Right now, all the signs are clear to see. We need to develop much more sources of affordable energy for our future. Or?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Or, there will be an energy crisis hitting our country. History has shown we have been very resourceful in responding to the ill effects of big crises of all kinds. But at some point, one wonders, when will we wait too long to make an effective correction to a vast, critical problem that causes widespread chaos? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> If we keep on the same path of blissful denial when foreboding signs appear, we are our own worst enemy. We need to wake up to what’s going on around us. If we do, just like the TV mechanic used to say, we can pay now or pay later. Now is affordable, later will surely be very expensive. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> We need to listen to the washing machine when it screams out for relief, then fix it. We need to repair the bad brakes when they continually show signs of giving out. We need to confront those who break agreements or the law and in doing so, hurt people and nature. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> It’s not popular to note and heed clear-cut warnings from unmistakable signs that point to a future disaster, by making early corrections.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> But if we stand by and do nothing and let harmful situations take hold, we may be unable to survive the flying load of doo-doo after it hits the fan. </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span></div>
Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-89644342574928375382011-06-11T00:10:00.000-07:002012-11-20T14:44:36.225-08:00Self help made easy<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Self-help books are everywhere, but let’s face it, if we’re being truthful here, they’re a total waste of money, a total waste of time. They take several hundred pages, repetitively explaining their message, which, really, can be easily summarized on one page.</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Self-help books are just a moneymaking genre for publishers, dressed up to look like something that will help us, the behaviorally afflicted, to curb our bad habits. Publishers and self-help authors know that if their oh so insightful solutions are padded in page upon page of repetitive hash that is long enough to be bound into a book with a pretty cover, and given an eye-catching title, such as</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Your Clutter Free Life;</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">voila</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">, book sales! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Publishers’ data tells them people with nagging negative behavioral hang-ups are going to buy these books. Publishers don’t care if these self-help books work or not. They just want the look and feel of the book to convince people with hang-ups that they'll rid themselves of the nasty behavior -- if they buy the book. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> But let's be honest here. We who buy self-help books aren’t as interested in solving our problem as we are in </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">looking like we are working on</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> solving our problem. We figure if we buy a book aimed at stopping our binge drinking, or out of control gambling, or constant use of overly blue language, and leave it on a table where it is easily seen by friends and family, they will think, “Hey, Bob’s actually doing something about his problem. Good for Bob!” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Problem is, after we the afflicted buy the self-help book, we read a chapter or maybe two. But then we put it down and forget about it as soon as we realize solving our problem won’t be easy. We figure we have a very complicated, seemingly impossible problem to solve. We're not so keen on the fact that it will take fortitude and discipline to beat this thing. That we will actually have to quit an addiction, and/or comfortable habit that maybe we don't think is so bad to have after all. We sense that signing up for a routine of rigorous discipline that will kill our bad habit, for the most part, is something we can’t be bothered with. It's just too much. We know deep down we’re not </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">that</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> interested in improving ourselves. We think not having a bad habit or two would be great and all, but having them isn't the end of the world, either. After all, we are who we are, and if others don’t like us, flaws and all, that’s </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">their</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> problem! </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> And so our behavioral hang up, whatever it is – always being late, living in ever encroaching clutter, getting into ever more debt, etc., continues on. And our self-help book gets abandoned and takes on its new role of collecting dust. Until the time comes to donate it along with our old unwanted and unread books to whoever will take them. Absent any takers, we dump the clutter-causing books into the recycling bin as part of an inspired spring cleaning.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> So if we buy into the notion that self-help books are a waste of money, where do we go for behavioral help? Well, first we promise to never buy a self-help book promising to free us from our bad habits! We know they just don’t work.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> So, should we seek counseling to cure ourselves of our nagging problems? </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Nah, who has the time for that? Yakkety yak yak yak. That doesn’t work either.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Still, we want a quick fix to our nagging little behavioral issues. So in the spirit of supplying what the self-help market wants, what follows are cheaper and quicker fixes than those self-help books described above as nothing but deceptive sales pitches aimed at separating you from your money.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> You know, comforting little self-help titles like:</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Conquering Clownphobia</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">, or </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">No More Spontaneous Dancing: Your Path to Freedom</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">, or the wildly popular, </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Clutter Rules No More</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> OK, let’s just cut to the chase, amigos. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> So, your house is cluttered? You don't like it? Here’s what you do: Rent a truck with a large enclosed bed. Then go through your house and throw into the truck bed all the items that are cluttering up your house. Drive the truck to a goodwill store. Unload the truck. Drive the truck back to the rental store. Go home. No more clutter. End of clutter problem.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Next?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> So you’re fat or edging ever closer to morbid obesity? Don't want to be that way? Well then, here's what you do: Eat healthy food in small portions, and exercise every day. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Next?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Always late? Don't like always being late? Here’s what you do: Get a watch that keeps accurate time. Now, keep looking at it so you always know about what time it is. If you have an appointment, figure out how much time it will take you to get there. Maybe add a few minutes to take into account any unexpected delays. Then, subtract that time from your appointment time. So if your appointment is at 4 and it takes you a half hour to get there, make sure and leave at 3:30. You must keep watching your watch so you leave on time. If you can’t keep an eye on the time and leave for appointments on time, you will always be late, nothing can be done for you. But if you can, you’ll be on time almost every time. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Next?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Can’t get organized? Figure out the tasks you need to accomplish. Then figure out what you need to do to finish each task. Prioritize the tasks with the most important one at the top of the list. Then, one at a time, do the tasks. Don’t put them off. Do them.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Next?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Procrastination a problem? This is just a matter of doing tasks now, and not putting them off. As stated above, don’t put them off, do them. If you put them off, you’re shying away from the problem, and there’s nobody that can change that but you. Deal with it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Problem with debt? Getting out of debt is something everybody has to do at some point. All it amounts to is paying off what you owe in monthly increments, until you don’t owe any more money. This isn’t easy, but this is all you have to do. Now, once you’re out of debt and you don’t want to get in any more out of control debt, there are a couple things you can do. If you can’t control the use of your credit cards because you’re a compulsive spender of money you don’t have, you simply shouldn’t use credit cards. Cut ‘em up and only buy stuff with cash. Otherwise you’re headed for bankruptcy. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> But if you do have some self-discipline, staying out of debt is simple. Don’t use your credit card unless you have the money to cover the purchase. And when you get the bill, pay it off immediately. That way, no interest accrues. Simple. The idea here is to only buy what you have the money to pay for. If you can’t pay off the bill when it comes, you’re in over your head because of your own lack of discipline.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Next? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> If you happen to be an alcoholic, drug addict, compulsive gambler or any other kind of addict, here’s the scoop: Don’t drink alcohol, take drugs or gamble, or do the addictive behavior you have. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Next?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Now it’s true, the above-suggested solutions to behavioral problems may seem oversimplified. Not so. They all point to the fact that it’s up to us to face our bad habits, stop them, and replace them with good habits. So, don’t cause clutter, be neat. Don’t gamble with money, make gentleman bets. Don’t get into debt, just quit spending money you don’t have. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> It’s all easy on paper. However, this stuff really is tough to do. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Yes, curing ourselves of bad habits requires some serious inner work. That in itself is unsettling. We're forced to ask ourselves: Do I really want to improve myself this badly? I mean, the things it requires seem kind of Spartan, you know? What ever happened to enjoying life? </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> So we come to the same conclusion we would if we had paid for and not completely read a self-help book: Me, do the hellishly hard work needed to stop a bad habit? </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Nah!</span></span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span> </span></i><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></span></div>
Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-33436683941702935212011-01-24T15:37:00.000-08:002012-11-20T14:45:52.615-08:00Keepers of the flame<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Neil Young, among the great singer songwriters of our time, was on the stage of the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville and told about the old guitar he held. Back in the early 70s when he was about to record Harvest, his breakthrough solo album, Young asked a friend in Nashville to find a guitar for him. The friend found a guitar, all right, the one that had been played by country music legend Hank Williams. It had a leather strap hanging down from the top of the neck below the tuning pegs. Young played it on Harvest and over the years, has played it along with his other choice guitars. He told of how the well-used instrument was once Williams’, and that after his time with it, somebody else would have it to play. He never talked of Hank Williams or of himself as owners of the guitar. He talked of it as if he and Williams were just its well known keepers because they both liked the sound it brought to their playing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> During that brief chat to the crowd and the audience watching the filmed documentary “Heart of Gold,” Neil Young’s thoughts were a reminder of how fleeting ownership really is. We may be fortunate enough to have temporary rights to things. We may tell ourselves we own a car, a house, a dog, a cat, all of our “stuff” that we use at our convenience. Sure, we may own these things in a legal sense. But we won’t own them forever. We will die, and those things will either be tossed or bought by someone, as the next round of thing keepers takes our place in the fluid ways of the universe. Nope, nothing is forever, and that’s a good thing. Everyone and everything has a birth, a life and a death, a space in time of togetherness between people, their environments and “things,” then, eventually, a parting of ways. When those windows of time end for whatever reason, including death, we sometimes are able to say goodbye, sometimes not. When the time comes, Neil Young and that magic music box once played by Hank Williams, will go their separate ways. The guitar may sit on a shelf and collect dust until it turns to dust itself. Or it will get a new life with another guitar player who will also play it for a time. That cycle will continue for the great old guitar until it can be played no more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The ultimate cure for boredom<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> We’ve all heard of and seen footage of those adventurers that scale Mt. Everest, or any of the other mega mountain peaks around the world. “Because it’s there,” is the stock answer to why these people do these sorts of things. But it’s a reasonable question to ask. Why risk the very real possibility of losing your pulse on an adventure? Why do they want to trek to one or both of the poles? Why is it fun to risk drowning, or freezing to death scuba diving under the polar ice cap, or falling off a cliff? Why sign up for this stuff? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Peter Hillary is the son of the famed New Zealander Sir Edmund Hillary, who along with his sherpa was the first to reach the peak of Mount Everest back in the 50s. The younger Hillary recently told a local audience of his life as the son of a famous mountain climber. Peter followed in his dad’s footsteps and managed to do him one better on Everest. He’s made it to the top of the thing and back not once, but </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">twice</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. That’s not to mention hiking Antarctica on foot to the South Pole while pulling a ridiculously heavy sled of his supplies. He made the descent of K2, another famous monster mountain peak, during a storm. He’s fed pods of sharks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> So it’s clear, putting himself into extreme situations is in Peter Hillary’s blood. It’s a trait that calls upon him to find out for himself if he’s got the stuff to survive the nastiest of conditions that come into play while trying to reach life-threatening destinations. These are adventures most of us can’t imagine doing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Hillary recalled scaling Everest and using his ice pick to gouge out a narrow shelf from the face of a sheer ice wall. That enabled him to get a toehold on the ice so he could sleep, suspended, upright in a sleeping bag. He talked of preparing soup to heat up while parked on the ice wall, and sharing the soup in the dark with his hiking buddy. It’s pitch black, freezing, he has to try to sleep, and try not to think about the fact that there’s an endless abyss below which means certain death if his tie lines come loose and he falls into it. And onto something unforgivingly hard at the end of the fall.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Another time, during the days-long trudge through the flat white cold of Antarctica, he was wracked with stifling boredom. To keep from turning into a blubbering maniac, he forced himself to think of family and missed loved ones. It worked. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> An amiable, quick to joke, self-effacing guy in his 50s, Hillary doesn’t give the impression he does what he does to boost his ego and brag about what a manly man he is. It seems like he does it as an inner journey, a personal quest to test his will. On his treks, he has to overcome physical adversity and emotional challenges that come with scaling the ice of the tallest mountains in the world and other dicey, less than comfortable adventures. If he can’t push back nature's attempts to knock him around enough to surrender to its unforgiving forces, he won’t live to tell about it. He’s a bona fide adventure junkie bent on experiencing his life to the fullest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> While the going gets extremely tough on Hillary’s chosen path, the rewards are otherworldly, spiritually charged encounters most humans can only glimpse through photos or footage: looking out from the peaks of the world’s tallest mountains, witnessing the snow and icescapes of the North and South Poles. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> As Hillary told his image filled stories of red zone adventure, it occurred to me what his worst fear has to be. He wants to avoid it more than losing footing on a sheer ice wall, and dangling like a hooked fish over an endless abyss. He’ll do anything to keep from being overtaken by one dreaded feeling: Boredom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Putting himself to the test in all his expeditions has kept him away from the mundane, make-a-buck world many of us wade through for years on end with 9 to 5 jobs. Except for long stretches of trudging to the South Pole, he’s managed to put the slip on tedium, boredom, and the awful state of regularly going through the motions, that many of us do all our work-a-day lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> For Peter Hillary, a good day at the office is doing what it takes to stay alive to tell the stories of his adventures. It’s a tough job. But the benefits – a life lived to its fullest -- aren't too bad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I can play this, but I’d rather play that<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Arturo Sandoval is one of the most facile and passionate trumpet virtuosos who ever blew the instrument. At a recent San Francisco concert, however, the fun loving musician confessed something to the audience. He prefers playing the piano over the trumpet. He’s been playing the trumpet for 50 years – he’s 61 – and over those years, his marriage to the brass horn has been nowhere near as easy and as fun as the much easier to play piano. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> “I’ve gone through a lot of pain, with my lips with </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">THAT</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">,” he says, looking toward his trumpet, sitting to his left on the stage, upright on a stand. Continuing to refer to his horn as “THAT,” he says it has been a difficult partner to perform with over the years. He told of its most annoying habit. It almost always cooperates without protest to his rigorous high and low-note playing demands in rehearsals. Then, when it comes time to perform on stage in front of live crowds, to his dismay, his trumpet is often a cranky, unwilling partner in producing the notes he wants from it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> “Play nice tonight,” he says he’ll cajole the instrument. He then stands bolt upright, frowns and shakes his head defiantly as if he’s the trumpet, refusing to play nice for the concert. He then slumps, sighs and shakes his head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> He says in Cuba where he grew up, the piano was considered the instrument of choice -- for girls. If a boy said he wanted to play the piano, “Everybody said, Uh oh…..”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> “A piano is so nice,” he says. “It plays nice all the time, the way you want it to.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> He then sits down at the grand piano on stage and plays his version of “As Time Goes By.” He coaxes a beautifully nuanced and personally styled rendering of the standard. The audience hears every note in quiet awe of Sandoval’s fluid piano play. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> When he switches gears into percussion and conga driven dance music, Sandoval rips it up on a waist high electric keyboard and dances while he plays. He’s a ham and isn’t afraid to show his musical talent, which is easy to see, is big time. He scats in his own trumpet-like style and playfully hits the lowest lows and the highest highs on his trumpet that are not only fun to hear, but hard to believe he can reach. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> When he takes the lead on an up tempo “Cubop” number with his band, Sandoval generates a fusillade of artfully controlled, yet fat notes that flow from his horn, soaring above the rhythmic textures of his band. And when he slows down to play a ballad alone on the quiet stage, a sound as pure and rich as poured honey flows from his horn, a soulful power that fills the room. Listening to him play a beautiful solo song, it’s easy to forget the breath control it takes to produce the clean sustained notes he crafts through his horn.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Sandoval does a tune with his record producer sitting in on the drums. After the tune, his producer takes the mike and tells the crowd he walked out of Macy’s a couple hours earlier and on the sidewalk saw an 11-year-old kid playing Moon River on a trumpet. He told the kid his father in law, Henry Mancini, wrote that very song. He talked with the kid’s mom, then left to walk back to his hotel. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> “I thought to myself, hey, Arturo Sandoval, the world’s greatest trumpet player, is playing here tonight.” So he turned around and walked back to the kid and his mom and told them to be at the theater 15 minutes before the show. Then he introduces the kid and waves for him to come on stage. With a few nerves, the kid plays most of Moon River serviceably, and stops a few times, because of trouble with his mouthpiece. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> When the kid finishes to big applause, Sandoval leans down to him with mike in hand and says, “You’re lucky. Go backstage and give them your address and I’ll send you a new trumpet.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Sandoval doesn’t seem to be hung up on trying to prove he’s the best trumpet player on the planet, which he very well could be. He just loves to play and hear music. And in his joyful playing, he simply gives listeners music of emotional highs and lows few musicians can muster. He just plays like a ravenous monster and lets his audiences decide for themselves how good he is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Step up, do something<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> When he anchored the NBC Nightly News, I always liked Tom Brokaw. With his big baritone voice, he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. Like other big name network anchors of his generation, he got one of the world's few highly paid jobs reading news copy because he looked and sounded good on TV. Even though for years, he seemed to have trouble saying his Ls. Most TV news anchors around the country are pretty faces, but they're mostly pegged as airheads, or “blow dries,” for their perfect hair yet seemingly thought-free heads. But Brokaw always came off as a worldly, brainy guy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Dan Rather at CBS and Peter Jennings at ABC were the two others that competed with Brokaw in the days of yore when national networks were the kings of broadcast news. Like Brokaw, Rather and Jennings got their nightly network TV news reading jobs because they fit the desired image the network bosses wanted for good ratings: Earnest, handsome newsmen, nice friendly guys that wanted to get and read to you the newest news they could from their chairs in front of the cameras.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> But neither Rather nor Jennings ever had Brokaw’s winning combination of brains, movie star looks, compassion, and friendly wholesome neighbor-like demeanor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Rather always came off as a little dumb, like the guy who always says, “What’s funny?” after a hilarious punchline is delivered and everybody else is laughing. And he always seemed annoyed, like he constantly wanted to get up from behind his desk and punch someone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Jennings always seemed like he was trying to be an aristocrat on the air. His style was to have rolled up sleeves to show he was really on the job and working hard, and a haughty, yet smooth delivery. A lot of people liked his schtick, others didn’t. He didn’t rub me the wrong way, but he seemed just a little too full of himself with his occasional knowing smirk and nod to the camera. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Not that any of this broadcast past matters now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> These days, these three once powerful news networks don’t hold sway over the nation any more. They, along with newspapers, are now within a sea of competitors in the “news” dispensing arena all fueled by the onset of the Internet. So these days, old retired network news anchors are either retired, or dead. They are, for the most part, irrelevant artifacts of news broadcasting history. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> But Brokaw has tried, like Walter Cronkite, the most credible national TV news anchor that overlapped with Brokaw’s pre-Boomer generation, to remain relevant in his gray days. After Brokaw retired from showing his earnest, handsome face and perfect hair on national TV most weeknights, he wrote books. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> His latest effort was a book of personal stories from veterans of World War II. Brokaw, in what was essentially a pitch to buy his book, recently told a local crowd a few anecdotes from it. The book points out that this was a humble, selfless bunch, reluctant to talk about their life-wrenching experiences. This generation gave without a whisper of complaint, all they had to serve the country, and help it win World War II. Yet it has been largely unappreciated, Brokaw contends, by later generations like the Baby Boomers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Brokaw called on the crowd to take a cue and follow their elders’ example of selfless service to their country. Volunteerism is a critical need right now, he said, which is a time, in his mind, that is as critical to our country’s survival as winning World War II was then. The U.S. is no longer the world’s unchallenged economic power, he said, noting China and India as big new rising players in global commerce. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> He meanwhile lamented the history of violence in American politics and how easy it has remained for crazy people to buy lethal handguns. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Brokaw asked the crowd to reach out to any families they know whose sons and daughters are serving in the military. They are paying a big price for all of us, he noted, adding they could use a lot more help and good will from their fellow citizens. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Brokaw offered plenty of food for thought for his audience to chew on. He showed that while his old job may be all but irrelevant these days, he is not</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;">Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf</a></span></span></span></span></span></div>
Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-29734390511250100802009-07-27T12:50:00.000-07:002011-05-01T22:38:42.275-07:00Media arrogance<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">For more than a century, daily newspapers dominated media audiences. They made a tradition of posting double-digit profits, when most businesses have traditionally been more than happy with low single-digit profit. But even though dailies were longstanding, powerful profit machines, they rarely felt any urgency to make adjustments to their business model. They pretty much sat pat, even as the market they served changed, and competing, much more efficient technology to disburse information was developed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">But beginning in the 1980s that audience domination started to erode with declining daily readerships. The weaker of two-paper cities were forced out of business. The survivors sailed on with even bigger monopoly profits. Some dailies were shamed into beefing up their business pages, because local business weeklies were making their skimpy, behind the sports page coverage look bad. Realizing that running black and white photos was beginning to look grayish and bland to increasingly visually oriented readers, they took a cue from the color-blitzed upstart USA Today. They started displaying much more expensive color photographs and graphics. But that was about it. They were still profitable, so for them, all was moving along fine, with profits showing the proof.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Meanwhile, entertainment became more popular among a growing younger generation in the national population without any interest in reading daily newspaper stories. And this audience demographic of course, held no interest in buying or subscribing to a daily. That shrank daily newspaper readership even more. While staying profitable, several surviving dailies became publicly traded as a defensive move when younger generations of their family ownership wanted no part of taking over the reins of the newspaper. They wanted only the wealth they were entitled to. Publicly traded dailies then became even more squeezed for short-term shareholder profit and veered away from the more prudent path of long-term investments meant to help them cultivate growth over the long haul. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">And then one day the Internet came along. Early on, the new online medium was something the dailies saw only as a potentially minor competitor. They and other media started their own websites. But they had no idea how they could make money selling advertising on websites as profitably as they had done for years with print.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">But then, almost instantly, the 800-pound gorilla to replace daily newspapers as a dominant advertising medium, appeared. Google came along and figured out how to sell advertising – a lot of advertising -- to support its lightning fast, dynamic search engine. Google offered the news gathered by newspapers by linking users to their websites, and any other with useful information. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Then along came Craigslist, a 600-pound gorilla offering free classified ads online. That exploded a major revenue stream of daily newspapers. Suddenly, it was realized by a lot of former daily newspaper classified advertisers that Craigslist gave them the same or greater audience reach of a newspaper. All without having to pay a dime.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">So now, the once omnipotent dailies are in the advanced throes of near bankruptcy, bankruptcy, or death. A lot fewer people read them anymore because of all the news and information available online. Fewer businesses and services buy advertising in them because online ads cost less and generate better results. Debt ridden, dailies have resorted to cutting staff, putting themselves up for sale, printing less pages on smaller sized formats, all while trying with little success to make their online sites profitable with ad sales.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Only a few big market dailies with national readership may survive, clinging to an antiquated business model that has been soundly beaten by technology and a changed appetite for media among the masses.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Some people see this as a sad thing. They grew up reading newspapers every day, and can’t imagine life without them.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Others applaud the demise of the daily newspaper, which to some, arrogantly wielded its power for too long.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">TV and radio news media often were considered second-rate headline readers to the literary depth a newspaper provided in its news stories. TV and radio journalists chafed at being cast as lesser quality journalists with their limited air-time work than dailies, which had the luxury of more space for in-depth news. Meanwhile, some reporters at powerful dailies were arrogant and bullied sources to get information. They generally didn’t feel a need to be fully professional. They felt untouchable in their power, which was without a doubt, intimidating. Though only a few daily journalists were in that mode, with many others solid professionals, the arrogant bad apples left a bitter taste with those they’d slighted over the years.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">One radio journalist I know who is usually reserved and diplomatic, changed his tune after a few drinks. He spewed his resentment of daily newspapers, and his delight at their demise.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">“They had all the chances in the world to adjust to the changes in the market, but they never did,” he said. And he apparently thinks all daily journalists were too arrogant, and crowed at the change of fortune for them. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">“Now they’re unemployed,” he said. “That’s OK. It’s good for them. It’ll toughen ‘em up.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I’ve been a daily journalist in my career, but most of my years were spent at a business weekly newspaper, which is a different, more specialized animal than a daily. Still, I found myself a bit taken aback by his hostility at dailies in general, and his resentment-fueled glee at their downfall. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">But his beef wasn’t any less arrogant than the daily newspapers and reporters he no doubt despised for arrogance in his dealings with them. He boasted his journalistic medium of public radio is now more popular than ever, hinting that it is the only credible journalism source left in media. He seemed to relish the notion of his medium as finally emerging from what had been the ever-present shadow of daily newspapers as the new superior source of journalism available to the public. He seemed more than willing to assume the dubious mantle of the arrogant journalist now, convinced of his news medium’s invincibility. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">But if daily newspapers can go down, so can any medium, including public radio. Arrogance, while an inherent affliction of some journalists drunk with power, is just that. It’s an affliction of self-importance that doesn’t do anything but alienate people who come in contact with it. And because the daily newspaper industry has no doubt been arrogant in its many years as the dominant news medium, other news media should take note. It’s not a good idea for any media enjoying wild popularity and success to assume a top-dog arrogance that it will never have to change with market shifts. That ultimately led to the humbling downfall of dailies, and it will no doubt happen again because of blind arrogance.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">As somebody wise once said, “The second you think you’ve got it all figured out, you’re toast.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">To see Mark Eric Larson's digital book of essays, <i>"Don't Force it Get a Bigger Hammer,"</i> A newspaper journalist's memoir with names changed when that seemed best, visit:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson</a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">His second book of essays, <i>"The NERVE of Some People's Kids,"</i> will be posted at the above site in May 2011.</div>Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490798011182359696.post-25505362360786991282009-03-26T15:06:00.000-07:002011-04-27T22:38:33.835-07:00Once they're gone, they're goneAs daily newspapers start to close around the country, it symbolizes the end of a long era in which newspapers dominated as an information and advertising distributor. But with the digital age gaining momentum, these dailies are dying a slow death. And while younger generations growing up with digital media don't see much of a loss without a daily newspaper to pick up, those that have read them all their lives will miss them badly. I know I will. The San Francisco Chronicle was the newspaper I grew up reading, and still do to this day. But it's owner, Hearst, has already closed the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. And if it can't sell the loss-ridden Chronicle, it will close it too. So the Chronicle, it appears, has a short future as a print and ink newspaper. Which is a sad reality. Because once a formerly great daily like the Los Angeles Times dies, it's gone forever. Maybe digital offerings of newspapers will build the industry back, but it's not likely they'll be as big and robust as they were as print products. Information sources have decentralized too much for that. It remains to be seen if digital news sources will fulfill the free press role as well as newspapers did. Will it be worse for those wanting professionally gathered news to read, or will it be better? Only time will tell.<br />
<br />
To read Mark Eric Larson's book of essays <i>"Don't Force it Get a Bigger Hammer," </i>a newspaper journalist's memoir with names changed when that seemed best, visit:<br />
<a href="http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson">http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson</a><br />
His second collection of essays, <i>"The NERVE of Some People's Kids,"</i> will be on the above site in May 2011.Mark Eric Larsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00285489460141905420noreply@blogger.com0